Messages
by TCD
Summary: Takes place during New Moon. What happens if Bella picks up the phone instead of Jake when Edward calls after Rose told him Bella was dead? Will he come back? AU. BxJ/BxE. Rated T.
1. Chapter 1: Phone Call

**A/N:**_ Hey guys, here it finally is, the first chapter of my first long fanfiction. Well, finally for me, I've been working on this story for quite some time now and I'm very happy that I finally finished it last night! _

_The story takes place in the setting of New Moon, Edward has already left a while ago and Bella just jumped off the cliff. It starts with the part where Edward calls Swan residence to confirm what Rosalie told him about Bella being dead. Now in New Moon, we all know that Jacob picks up and tells him "He's at the funeral." and we all know what the consequences of that were ;) In this story it is not Jacob who picks up the phone but Bella herself. Will Edward come back? See what happens. _

_There will be some small parts taken literally from New Moon, these parts will be entirely in italics. Just so you know._

_Enjoy the first chapter and let me know what you guys think! :)_

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the characters, just my own storylines. **

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Chapter 1: Phone call

_The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. We kept staring at each other for a little while longer, while Jacob's face kept coming closer and closer to mine. I still was undecided on whether or not I wanted to cross over to that kind of relationship with him. The phone rang again and that was my excuse for breaking our gaze and with that the tension that was almost tangible in the room. _

"Isabella Swan speaking." I thought I heard a relieved sigh at the other end of the line but I was not sure because the other person hung up the phone without saying a word.

"What was that all about?" I muttered to myself while I hung up the phone.

Jacob was staring at me.

"They hung up." I said and I noticed that there was a weird feeling in my stomach when I said that, I felt disappointed, like the person on the other end of the line would have changed my life completely if he or she would have indeed spoken to me, which was weird because it was not as if my life had been so constant over the past couple of months.

Jacob did not say anything, he just stood there, staring at me. I realized he might have been waiting to pick up where we had left of right before the phone call, I sure as hell was not going to bring _that_ up again, not until I was completely sure of my course of action. So I started rambling about dinner and that Charlie might be hungry when he would come back from the funeral. I felt so bad for my father, at least he did not know about anything I had been up to since… I couldn't even finish the thought since it brought back the same amount of pain every time. I started looking around the fridge for some food, preferably a dish that would keep my hands busy for a while, so I had enough time to think about my next move with Jacob. I did not want to hurt his feelings but it was difficult since we both wanted such different things. He had been nothing but a good friend to me and it was not his fault that he had feelings for me but he deserved so much better than what I could give him, he deserved a girl that could promise him her whole heart, I couldn't, I would never be able to, part of my heart, a very dominant part of my heart, would always belong to Edward. This thought made me feel even worse. I kept telling myself that he did not want me, _he_ walked out on _me_, why should I feel like this for the rest of my life. Normally I would refrain from using the sentence the rest of my life and change it into the rest of my existence, but it seemed that that ship had sailed for good.

Jacob interrupted the downwards spiral my mind was getting in when he offered to help me cook. It was quite uncomfortable trying to cook with the two of us at the same counter in such a small kitchen, especially since Jacob was just so _huge_, but he did not seem to mind, he was smiling and actually humming to himself. What was he so happy about? I did not have time to ask him, the phone rang again.

"Isabella Swan speaking." I said automatically when I picked up. There was more silence on the other side of the line, longer silence this time, before the person hung up again.

I was annoyed, why didn't people have the decency to say "sorry, wrong number" anymore? When I returned to the counter Jacob had already cut all the meat and vegetables into what seemed to be perfectly squared dices. He looked at me and raised his eyebrows as if to ask what had just happened but did not speak. I shrugged and shook my head and he let it go.

We were almost finished with cooking and setting the table when Charlie came home. Jacob and I hadn't spoken since the almost kiss this afternoon and Charlie's eyes looked puzzled when he found us silently setting the table and finishing up the meal. His eyes flashed from the annoyed and uncomfortable expression on my face to Jacob's almost euphoric smile and back to me before he sighed and let it go.

I took a good look at my father, the bags under his eyes were almost black, the wrinkles in his face were more prominent and his eyes were watery. He looked terrible, heartbroken, but tried to pretend, for me. He tried to put on a smile and said "Hey Bells" kissing the top of my head. "Jacob," he nodded to Jacob.

Charlie took a long look around the room, searching for something he was sure was missing but did not seemed to really know what he was looking for. I understood it was Alice he was missing so I told him she had to go run some errands and I was not sure when she would be back. If she would be back, I added in my mind. Charlie nodded once more and sat at his usual chair at the dinner table, where Jacob and I joined him.

After dinner Charlie retreated to his own room mumbling something about being tired. Who could blame him after such an emotional day? I had never seen him in this state before though and I was worried. Charlie was never the kind of guy to share and I was worried that not talking about what he was going through would only make things worse for him. I was about to go up to his room to ask him if he wanted to talk and if he was okay, when I realized that this is what Charlie had been dealing with for months now. The roles had been reversed, I had been the retreated zombie and he had been torn between asking me how I was doing and if I wanted to talk or letting me sort things out on my own. I remembered I was glad he chose the latter more than the former, so I decided to give him the same treatment, he would come to me if he really needed to talk.

When the dishes were done, Jacob said he had to get back to the pack and that I should visit him down at La Push when I got the chance. I was worried he wanted to kiss me again and was thinking of what my response to that might be, but when I looked into his eyes his expression was nothing but friendly and concerned for both my father and myself, he kissed the top of my head in the exact same way Charlie had done earlier and I knew I could never be more than just friends with Jacob, best friends, he was like family, like a brother, to me and it would just feel all wrong and more than that, he deserved more love than only like a sister loves her brother, he deserved passion, he deserved someone who dreamt of him at night, someone who would smile only at the thought of seeing him, someone who had trouble being coherent when she was around him, someone who was completely head over heels in love with him, that someone could never be me, not anymore. I was sad at that thought, I would have loved to be able to give Jacob all he deserved and more, but I could not betray my heart by pretending, I would love only one… I stopped myself again, I could not bare these thoughts anymore. Ever since I had seen Edward, I flinched when I thought his name and the whole in my chest was on fire, so clearly in the water, parts of my defense have been slipping, his name raced through my head with the speed of light, echoing off of the one side of my head to the other, like the two halves of my brain were playing a ping pong match and his name was the ball. Every time they hit the ball a feeling of pain shot through my heart, cutting up yet another piece of my already shattered heart.

The moment Jacob was invisible in the forest Alice popped into the room, her expression was strange, it was a mixture of worry, relief and anger. But when I asked her what was wrong she just said that Rosalie had infuriated her with yet another one of her selfish deeds. I did not need to know any more, I did not want to think of the rest of the Cullen family, opening up those wounds would only cause me more pain when Alice left again.

The entire remainder of the evening Alice seemed to be popping in and out of consciousness, it was like she was trying to see the future every minute to see if something had changed. I was wondering if something more was going on than just the selfish behavior of Rosalie, surely she would be used to it by now. But who was I kidding? I was no longer a part of their world, they left me and they were not coming back, I was just another human, fragile and insignificant, why would they share any of their problems with me, now that it no longer involved me in any way?

When Alice saw me staring at her with a confused and frustrated look on my face she worked to smooth out her own face and tried to distract me by going through a DVD collection she brought from their house with what she knew were some of my favorite movies. But most of the movies that used to be my favorites had lost their appeal to me, they had been all about love stories, how could I watch happy couples with the state I was in? Alice had undoubtedly already foreseen my change in taste for movies and brought some pure action comedies as well. I settled for the Rush Hour series, three movies full of humor and action and no relationships or romantic nonsense anywhere. Alice put on the first one and when she thought I was all into the movie her eyes immediately became unfocussed and I knew she was looking into the future again, searching for something, a smile touched her lips briefly before her expression changed to sad. I watched Alice for a while, I saw flashes of emotions, it changed within seconds, anger, sadness, happiness, confusion, anger, disbelief, she continued modeling all expressions one would learn about in a psychology class for a while before she gasped loudly and said "it's gone" her eyes returning to the here and now with shock written all over her face. I couldn't help myself even though I knew it was none of my business.

"What Alice? What happened? What did you see?" I yelled trying to shake the girl, who had turned into stone, next to me awake.

Her eyes focused on me she looked like she was accusing me of something.

"I can't see it." was all she said.

I knew she would only not be able to see anything if it involved the wolves, we figured that out not too long ago. Was something wrong with Jacob? Was the pack okay? Did Victoria get to them? Was anyone going to get hurt? Questions were racing through my mind without pauses in between, it was one blur of questions when all the faces of the pack flashed in front of my eyes. I saw the faces of Sam, Paul, Jared, Quil and Embry followed by a big red brown wolf. I could not imagine Jacob, it hurt too much to think something was going to happen to him.

I was about to ask Alice about what she had seen when she told me it was bedtime for the human. I was pretty tired, but how could I sleep knowing that something terrible might happen to the pack? I was turning myself towards Alice, to look at her face and ask her, no demand her, to tell me what was going on. If there was something with her family, since it was no longer my family, I had no right to even want to know, but this involved the pack and I had every right to know what was going on. I knew it was stupid to ask her what was going to happen, since she could not see the wolves so she would not be able to see what was going to happen or what the outcome would be. I opened my mouth to ask the question anyway, somehow I needed to get more information, but she cut me off yet again, this time not with her words, but her expression told me she would not tell me what was going on and when Alice set her mind to something there was no way it would happen any other way, that was for sure. So I let it go and went to bed as she had told me to, maybe I would have better luck finding out what was going on in the morning.

It was 10 o'clock when I woke up the next morning. I was in my own bed, Alice must have carried me upstairs after I'd fallen asleep against her chest. So I took a shower, brushed my hair, got dressed and hurried downstairs to talk to Alice. But the house was empty when I got downstairs, I walked through the entire house looking for Alice, stupid because I knew she wouldn't be there otherwise she would have come to me sooner, when I got to the kitchen there was a note on the table from Alice.

_Dear Bella,_

_I am sorry I have to leave so suddenly and without saying goodbye, again. It was wrong for me to come here in the first place and I will get plenty of hell for that when I get home, but don't worry about that. Make sure that you stay safe please! And please Bella, don't do any more foolish stuff, it will get you into trouble and it will really hurt Charlie if he would find out. That is all I will ask of you. Again, I am very sorry it has to be like this again but I could not stay and be around you any longer, it would only hurt more if I would leave then. I think it is best if I don't stay in touch with you, to help you move on and to not be reminded of my family anymore than you already are every single day. Please know that I love you and that you will always be my sister! _

_Love,_

_Alice_

Her handwriting was so elegant, normally I would have marveled over it for quite some time, but with the message she had left me I could not think about handwriting, she _left_ me, how could she do that? She knew how much I wanted her here! But I couldn't be mad at Alice, at least she cared about me, she was trying to give me a normal life, although, especially with her particular talent, she should have known that I would never lead a normal life after everything I had gone through in the last year or so. I lost the love of my life, and now I lost one of my closest friends only days after I had been reunited with her. I was devastated. What had she seen that made her leave in such a hurry? Did she see something more after I'd fallen asleep last night? Maybe she saw Victoria killing the wolves and her in the process if she didn't leave straight away. I flinched at that thought. That couldn't be it though could it? Because she couldn't see the future of the wolves. But she could see her own. I wanted Alice to be safe, be with the people she loved and be happy. So I would have to deal with all this on my own.

I made myself some breakfast in an attempt to resume my normal life, or as close to normal as my life could ever get. But after the first bite of pop-tarts I broke down, I started sobbing and tears streamed down my face faster than water came down at the Niagara Falls, not that I would know, I never travel anywhere. I did not know how long it had been since I read Alice's note, but I heard the door open and close quietly, which meant it couldn't be Charlie, and at the moment my mind was thinking that it might be Victoria coming for me and that I should maybe run or scream or do something, not that it would help, hot arms were around me, protecting me, comforting me, I buried my face in Jacob's chest and cried harder than I had for the entire time I had been downstairs. He carried me to the couch and stroked my hair until I fell asleep exhausted.

When I woke up it was twilight, Jacob had fallen asleep as well, he must have been exhausted from all the extra running he had been doing lately, I tried to move out of his embrace as quietly as I could, Charlie would be home soon and I had to start making dinner for him. But my attempt to be quiet failed miserably because of my clumsiness, when I had freed myself from his flaming body, it felt like I could literally boil an egg on his body, and tried to get of the couch my foot got stuck behind his knee and I slammed headfirst into the floor, hitting my arm on the table at the same time. I wasn't quite sure whether it had been my arm slamming into the table or my body crashing onto the floor that woke Jacob, or maybe it was both, but he was standing up so quickly it was only a blur, body shaking all over as if he was expecting some kind of danger. When he saw me lying on the floor, defeated, the shaking stopped and he looked worried for a moment, assessing the extent of my injuries, I didn't have any. Then he started chuckling quietly, slightly unsure, scared that he would make me mad if he laughed too loudly, or worse, made the waterworks start again. My response surprised us both, I started giggling too, despite all that had happened in the last couple of months, I was giggling, but not for long, I tried to get up off the floor, but I tried to grab the sofa for support and missed completely, falling flat on my butt once again. Jacob's laugher was echoing off the walls in our little living room and I couldn't stop myself either, I must have looked like a complete moron the entire time but I could not care less, I was laughing at myself, at my clumsiness but mostly at my stupidity with everything the last couple of months, from thinking Edward could really have cared for someone as plain as I was and thinking I would ever be part of the Cullen family, to the stupid, reckless things I had been up to down at La Push only to hear his voice. I laughed louder and thinking about everything I had gone through made me feel more stupid then ever, I cannot believe I had changed from a rational, rather grown-up person for my age, into the giddy little teenager I had been around Edward, drooling at his every move, and I could not believe that that same rational person would run around the reservation looking for a thrill just to hear a voice in her head. What had I been thinking? I had been holding on to something that was never real to begin with! My laughter turned into crying so swiftly I had not even noticed it myself until Jacob turned to look at me with shock across his face.

"Oh Bella, are you hurt? Are you okay? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed at you!" He helped me up and put me on the couch, where he took his place next to me. He was stroking my hair again, soothing me. But I did not feel like I needed comforting, I felt okay, for the first time in a very long time I felt like I was finally going to have a normal life again. Maybe I would be able to love someone else from now on… No that was still out of the question, I would never feel the passion I felt for _him _for anyone else, how could I when he was the most perfect being in the world and I had felt like he had been mine? I knew I was irrational, and I told myself that he had never really been mine to begin with, he was just too good for me, how could he ever love me?

The crying stopped as suddenly as it had come. I was done feeling sad for now, I just wanted to relax and not think, if only that were possible. I snuggled closer into Jacob's chest. He was so warm it was almost uncomfortable, almost… But I felt safe, loved, and that was all I needed for now. I looked up at Jacob to try and see his expression, was he mad? He looked calm and caring, and he did care for me, way too much, more than I deserved, but he was real, and he was here, maybe…

I could not finish the thought, the phone rang again. I could not remember that we would ever get so many phone calls before. I went over to the phone to answer it.

"Isabella Swan speaking." I said into the phone.

Silence.

"Hello, this is Bella speaking." I said, trying to make the other person talk.

More silence. This was starting to get on my nerves.

"Look, I don't know who you are…" I started.

There was a click and then a beeping sound. The person hung up again. What was going on? Somehow I felt oddly comforted by the silence on the phone, it felt like I knew the person on the other end of the line, I was drawn to that person, I could not help but wonder who it was and why he or she kept hanging up the phone. If they had dialed the wrong number they would have figured out by now and stopped calling, or at least asked for the right number or something, you don't just accidentally call the same number three times and just hang up. It was like someone wanted something but was afraid to actually ask for it.

"Who was it?" Jacob was standing next to me, worried look on his face.

"I don't know, he or she has not answered me yet." I answered honestly.

"That is quite weird, maybe next time you should let me pick up the phone?" He offered.

"You think it's something dangerous?" My mind was trying to get around that possibility, what would be dangerous to me with a pack of wolves protecting and monitoring me 24/7? Other than obvious things like vengeance seeking vampires who are out to kill me? But she wouldn't really use the phone now would she? It had to be something else, and it felt too good to be something bad, I could not explain the feeling I got with these phone calls, my heart accelerated and my hands became sweaty every time I answered, my thoughts were incoherent and I couldn't breathe properly. It was so frustrating not to know who it was or why he or she kept calling. It clearly was not to talk to me.

That night my dreams were all over the place. First, I was in a big white room, full of sunlight but there were no windows. In the middle of the room there was a big telephone, ringing non-stop. But as soon as I took a step closer to the phone it went silent. When I stopped walking it would ring again. This would continue until I was finally at the phone. I stopped right in front of it and it started ringing, the loud sound of the huge phone hurt my ears but that did not stop me, I tried to reach for the horn but I couldn't reach it, I was not tall enough, the ringing kept getting louder and louder until I could not take it anymore, I tried everything I could to get the phone to stop ringing, to get the horn of the hook to talk to the person causing me this pain, but I couldn't. I woke up screaming, something I hadn't done in a long time. When I realized what was going on I covered my mouth with my hands and lay down quietly, listening if I had woken Charlie, I hadn't.

When I fell back asleep the dream had changed. I was in a mall with Alice, we were shopping for a dress, at one point we were at the dress store and I was changing in the dressing room while Alice kept throwing new dresses in the booth for me to try on. It started out as normal sundresses, not that I would ever need those in Forks, but the dresses grew more and more absurd. Until at some point I was wearing the most ostentatious of wedding dresses, it was a huge white dress, very wide at the bottom and tight at the top, it had long sleeves and a deep cleavage, the top was covered in shiny silver/white fabric and little diamonds sparkling off of every inch of the bodice. When I looked down to the bottom of the dress I noticed it wasn't just very wide it was also very long, the fabric dragged out behind me for at least 10 feet. When I looked up again the scene had changed, I was at a crossroad on the left of me there was an aisle that stretched to a garden I did not recognize, it was beautiful and open and light, I wanted to walk towards it, to see the rest of it, but something at the other side of the crossroad got my attention, it was a beach I was very familiar with, it was La Push beach, covered in chairs filled by friends and family of Jacob and myself at the end of the long row of friends and family there was a small arc covered in white roses, and standing underneath it was Jacob, wearing a black tuxedo that hugged his huge muscles nicely, I had to say, he looked amazing. I had almost forgotten about the other side of the crossroad as I was eager to join my friends and family at the familiar beach. But something made me look back to the garden and the image was redefined, it was not just an empty garden anymore, there were also rows of chairs filled with family and friends, but not the same family and friends I had seen at the La Push beach, these were my vampire family and friends, as well as my school friends, I saw Angela, Jessica and Mike all sitting there, and at the end of the aisle, there he was, more godlike than I had ever seen him, smile so radiant I could not resist smiling back, Edward was standing in a black tuxedo as well, looking so much better than Jacob, Jacob was humanly handsome, Edward was divine. Next to Edward was Emmet, he was holding what seemed to be two wedding rings, and on the other side of the minister was Alice, in a bridesmaid's dress, looking stunning as always. I looked back and forth between the two images, two different lives, I had to choose, walk down one aisle, I could not stay in between forever. In my dream Edward wanted me, why was I hesitating then? Wasn't it obvious I would always choose him? But Jacob, the pack, Billy, Charlie, how could I lose that? What did this mean?

When I woke up, still undecided, it was 7.30 and I thought it was time to get out of bed, I did not want any more disturbing dreams, it was bad enough that I was dreaming again but did they have to be so confusing? And why did I dream of marrying either one of them? Edward did not want me and I did not want Jacob in that way, this could not be where my life was headed, staying in between, never really loved, never really loving, and all the while never moving. I tried my best to push the image out of my head, I could not think that my life would go this way, there had to be something else, some possibility I was missing? Wasn't there?

I got up and went to the bathroom to take a shower, I took my time, I did not have anywhere I was supposed to be early today anyways. It was 9.30 when I was completely done with my morning ritual, I never took this long but I did not feel like rushing anything today, I was tired and cranky because of those weird dreams. I had not dreamt of Edward this clearly for so long, every time I thought of it ice-cold shivers were sent down my spine and every crack in my heart was burning with such intensity it felt like I was on fire, it was horrible. I decided to go down to La Push, I needed some distractions today, I was not sure how it would be to face Jacob after my dream and the tension there had been between us two night ago, I did not know what to say, would he think we could be a couple now? I knew I was sending mixed signals, but he knew how messed up I was, he could not possibly want that! But he did, I knew that.

I was almost out the door when the phone rang again. Charlie had already gone to work so I knew he would not pick up, but I was not in the mood for another non-conversation with my mystery caller. I decided to let it go and closed the door behind me. I could still hear the phone ringing when I reached my truck. What if it was something important? What if it was Jacob? What if it was Charlie and something was wrong? All sorts of scenarios rushed through my head, but I pushed them all away, I did not want to pick up the phone today, maybe not ever again, not after that weird dream and the mysterious phone calls, I could not worry about that too, my head was already too full as it was.

Driving always helped clear my head so I was happy I had decided to drive down to La Push today. I noticed that the closer I got to the reservation the happier I got. There was always such a nice atmosphere there, it was quiet but not scary. When I got to Jacob's house Billy was already waiting for me, my truck always gave me away. Billy was glad to see me, he said he needed to talk to me about something and Jacob was still asleep, he deserved his rest so I went into the living room with Billy and sat down on the couch. Billy sat across from me with a friendly smile on his face. I wondered what was going on.

"Bella," he started. I waited patiently for him to continue. He didn't, he just sat there smiling, waiting for me to say something I guess.

I hesitated but after a few seconds I answered. "Yes?" I asked.

"Jacob would probably not be too happy with me if he knew we were having this conversation but I trust I am doing the right thing and he will thank me for it later." I did not like where this was heading at all, I did not know how to reply so I just waited silently, nodding for him to go on.

"I know you have been having a very hard time since the Cullens…" I cringed internally from the sound of their name, Billy saw my expression so he waited for me to smooth out my face before he continued "… left and I know that one of them visited you recently, Jacob told me you were very broken up about it when she suddenly left as well." I could only nod, images of Alice's visit flashed through my head, the words on her note sounded through the images like a storyline, she did not wanted to remind me of her family any more than I already was, she loved me and I would always be her sister to her.

"I was very sorry to hear that." Another nod from me was all he was getting right now.

He continued without pausing. "But I have noticed a change in your state of being since the first time you came to the reservation to see Jacob, you are more alive and more happy even. I have noticed the same change in Jacob, since you have been hanging out here recently. You helped him through a really rough time as well you know? He was having a lot of trouble accepting the changes that were going on with him but when he found a way for the two of you to still be friends and hang out he was more happy than I had seen him before, he is actually enjoying the werewolf part of himself, he loves belonging to the pack, they are like the brothers I had never given him. I am really happy to see him like this and I have you to thank for that. So thank you." I could find nothing but gratitude in his expression, was that really all he wanted to talk about? Me helping Jake? There aren't a lot of things I wouldn't do for him after all he had helped me through.

"I'm just glad I could do something back for him, I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around lately and I am ashamed of that, but Jake helped me through the hardest time I have ever had, I love him like a brother." Maybe I shouldn't have said that last part, because Billy raised his eyebrows and there was a twinkle of pleasure in his eyes when he replied.

"I know he loves you too Bella, I can see it in his eyes." I blushed and dropped my eyes to the floor. This was not the way I had meant it, I really meant that he is like a brother to me, we were _family_.

"He's family" I shrugged.

"You are part of his family too Bella, part of mine, you know that. You are always welcome here." He was sincere when he spoke in his grave voice. I smiled and blushed further, I did not know how to reply to this.

"Bella," Billy started, unsure this time, "I know this is none of my business, well I guess, since it involves my son, it is at least a little my business, but it has been months since they left," cautiously staying away from any name that would upset me, "and you have changed so much, and from what I see most of it is because of my son…"

"It is all because of Jake." I interrupted.

He smiled. "Alright, don't you think that there is more than just friendship between you? Your bond is so strong and you are almost inseparable, even when he turned into a werewolf and he wasn't allowed to tell you about it or see you again, you two found a way to remain friends. You are so close and I see the way he looks at you Bella, I am not a fool. And neither are you, I know you feel something for my son and I know that you're still hurting over that boy but I am just asking you to not shut Jacob out of your life just yet, he is a good kid and he loves you very much, he is good for you." By the end of his little speech there was a very deep red color all over my face, why did he have to bring this up? Why couldn't he just have stopped with "thank you!"?! I hadn't decided on what to do with this whole Jacob situation, he deserves better than me and I don't want him in that way, I want him as my friend, my brother, but we cannot be more, I do not belong to him, my heart does not belong to him.

"I am not going to shut Jake out of my life Billy, but I don't feel the same way he does about me. Like I said before, Jake is family, he is like a brother to me, and I am broken, it is true that I have been happier since I have been hanging out with Jake but he is my best friend and nothing more than that. He deserves better than what I can give him, he deserves a whole heart, someone who loves only him, and I will never be able to give him that."

"I know how you feel about that Cullen boy Bella, and I know it is not easy to get over something like that, such a complicated relation you must have had. I am not pretending to know the depth of your relationship but I have seen what he did to you by leaving and that is not healthy Bella." He was nothing but concerned for my wellbeing, he cared for me I knew that, but he did not know what he was talking about. How could he want someone like me for his son? I was no good for him!

"I am not good for Jake, I am not healthy, how could you want that for him?"

"I see the way he looks at you Bella, you are who he wants, and I want him to have what he wants, even if that might not be the best thing for him at the moment, but I know the two of you would make it work, you wouldn't hurt him, you care for him. And Jake would never hurt you, he would never leave…"

"DAD!!!!" Jake growled at his father. The two of us looked up at him in shock, his face was red hot and he was shaking all over, he stormed out of the house and the next thing we heard was a wolf howling.

"Well, I guess I was right when I said he wouldn't be happy with me if I would have this conversation with you." I had to laugh a little at that.

"I will go talk to him," I said, "he will calm down, you were doing it for him after all."

"Not just for him Bella." The look he gave me was so serious and convincing that I had to look away and all but ran out of the house to avoid his gaze.

I looked near the house for Jacob, I picked up all his clothes, his shirt was ripped but his shoes were intact, I could not find his pants so that must have meant that he had been able to take those off in time and carried them with him. But I couldn't find Jake anywhere near so I decided to go look for him at the beach, both of us seemed to retreat there when we needed to think or calm down. It was no surprise that I found him sitting on a log near the water, in his human form, looking angry but in control of himself. So I walked up to him and sat next to him. At first he did not look at me, he kept staring at his bare feet, he was indeed wearing his pants so that was a good thing. I handed him his shoes and the remainder of his shirt.

"Are you okay Jake?"

"How could he say those things?! He had no right! It is non of his business!" He growled at me, as he started to tremble again.

"Don't worry about it Jake, he is just worried about you, he wants you to be happy you know." I tried to calm him down, I put my hand on his hand and he automatically took my hand and the trembling stopped.

"I don't really care about me, it's not like he told you things that you did not already know before right? But I can't believe he put you on the spot like that, he made you uncomfortable and you are not ready for this stuff, I know that, I can wait and I did not want to bring it up at all. After the other day I knew you could not handle that yet."

"Oh Jake, don't get into a fight with your dad over me please! I assure you that is not necessary."

"But he hurt you!"

"I know Jake, but he means well, and he is concerned for me too, I know that and I think it is very sweet of him that he would care for me so much that he would go through all the trouble of talking to me about it even though it was going to be hard for him."

"You are too forgiving Bells."

"How would you react if the situation was reversed and Charlie would give you a speech like that?"

"But that's not the case, our feelings are not reversed. Would be quite uncomfortable if I would have been in love with that vamp." He grinned but when he realized that I flinched at those words he looked ashamed. "Sorry." He added quickly.

"It's okay Jake, don't worry about it!" I laid my head on his shoulder and he rested his head on mine. We sat like that staring at the water for a while before he broke the silence.

"You know, you are not wrong for me."

"You don't know what you're saying Jake, I'm broken remember, I don't have a complete heart to give anymore."

"You'll heal Bella."

"I don't know, it doesn't feel like that now." I sighed.

"I'm sure, I'll help you," he smiled, "I'll be your friend Bella, nothing complicated, I'm here for you."

"It hurts you."

"Not as much as not being your friend at all, I'm happy when I am around you, even if my reasons are different from yours but you do like me as a friend don't you?"

"You know I do Jake, you're my best friend and I love you like a brother. We're family!"

"Yeah, that's enough for me," He smiled and mumbled "for now." I wasn't sure he meant for me to hear that so I did not respond, we were silent after that.

It was almost six when Jake and I returned to his house, we had sat on the beach in silent for a long time, never uncomfortable, the both of us perfectly at ease. I tried not to think of anything, just admire the way the waves hit the shore and trying to imagine how nice it would be to just escape to the water, not needing to think, not needing to run from anything anymore, just swim. Unfortunately that thought brought back the memories of the last time I was in that sea and my mind shied away from that thought from then on. Sometimes pictures of me and Jacob walking hand in hand along that beach popped up, they were close to real memories but with one significant difference, the loving way we looked at each other, we were a happy couple completely in love. I only smiled at those images but they didn't last long, every time the image of Jake had popped up there was another picture trying to come to the surface of my mind, these were real memories, memories of the happy times I had with Edward, my heart burned more every time I saw his beautiful, loving face and I had to remind myself that it had all been a lie, he never loved me, he couldn't have.

When we got to the little house Billy had already started making dinner, he told me I was welcome to join them and he had invited Charlie over as well, he would come straight over from work. So we staid at Billy's place. Jacob and Billy had an easy relationship, they did not talk about this afternoon but neither of them was angry or hurt. They both understood the other side of the story and accepted blame for their part, it was so peaceful.

When dinner was over I knew Charlie wanted to watch a game and I was almost sure Billy wanted to watch too, so I volunteered to clean up so they could relax in front of the TV, Jake offered to help.

"You dry and I'll clean." I told him with a smile, this was how siblings worked as well, although I was sure he had a different image in mind, he put on his biggest, widest smile, the smile I knew all too well and loved, this was the Jacob I liked.

After the dishes were done Jake and I went to Emily's house because Jake wanted to talk to the pack, he ditched an entire day so they were probably not all too happy with him. When we walked in the house Sam and Jared were sitting on the couch, the rest was out running. Jacob started apologizing, but Sam wasn't having any of it, he said Jacob's job had been just as important, since Victoria was coming for me he had been at the most important place, I needed protection and the rest of the pack could run. Although I knew Jacob was going to have to make up for the missed running tonight, and he was already so exhausted. But he did not seem to mind.

The rest of the evening went by very fast, Jake, Jared and Sam had been talking strategy the entire time and I spent time with Emily, I helped her bake a cake for the boys and we chatted throughout the entire evening. She was such a kind and loving person, every time she spoke of Sam her voice was so full of love it made me feel uncomfortable but she was very smart and had some very interesting ideas and insights to the world. She told me about her family and about her life before she met Sam, she told me about the pack and she also gave me a talk about the changes she noticed in Jake since he found a way for us to be friends. I wished everyone would just drop that already, I am glad we are still friends but it makes things so much more complicated since the feelings are so different. I told her that as well.

"Don't worry about that Bella, he wants you as his friend no matter what. He loves you, maybe in a different way than you love him, but he would never do anything to hurt you and he knows that it would hurt you if he would try for the two of you to be more than friends now, so he would not do that. He's a sweet boy!"

"The problem is that I don't want him to miss out on anything because he is waiting for me, I don't know if I would ever be able to give him my heart in that way. I love him like a brother and I don't want him to keep waiting for us to be more." It was very easy to talk to Emily, she was very understanding and insightful, this conversation helped me more than the talk with Billy had, that had just left me feeling sad for what I put Jake through, but she understood my side and she comforted me.

"Jacob is a big boy, he can take care of himself and he knows what he wants, and what he wants is for you to be friends so you will be friends."

"The worst part of it all is just that I know that if it wasn't for…," I stopped suddenly, shocked, was this really how I felt? That Jake and I would have been together if my heart hadn't been stolen by someone so strong?

Emily noticed I could not go on and she changed the subject. After that we just made light conversation, she told me things that happened in the pack, about Paul's anger, their incredible appetite and funny stories, I mostly listened and laughed a lot.

It was around 10 when Jake and I walked back to his house, Charlie was about to leave and I told him to wait for me so I could come with him. We said goodbye to Billy and Jake and I promised I would be back soon.

When we got home Charlie went straight up to his room, he said he had a long day and was exhausted, I told him I would go up soon as well, I just had to get some stuff from the living room, I would not bother him anymore today, he needed his rest, I was still worried about how tired and sad he looked. I looked at the phone when I walked past it to go upstairs and the missed call light was blinking, there had been 10 missed call, all anonymous. What was going on?

At that exact moment the phone rang again, anonymous caller. I sighed, it might be important for someone to call so many times in one day.

"Isabella Swan speaking." I said quietly so I wouldn't bother Charlie.

It sounded like the person on the other side sighed, it sounded relieved. But other than that there was no sound. I didn't have the energy for this anymore.

"Alright, who are you? Do you have any idea how annoying this is?" I was angry, I wanted the other person to speak, I wanted to know what they wanted. "What do you want from us?"

There was a long silence, but the other person did not hang up. After a while the person sighed and finally spoke.

"Sorry." Was all he said and he hung up the phone.

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**A/N: **_So that was it for the first chapter. I'm not very good at judging when to end a chapter but I thought this would be a nice little cliffhanger, that also meant that this chapter was a bit long. There will be some more long chapters but also some short ones, like I said, judging lenghts of chapters is not my forte ;) I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter, please review to let me know what your thoughts are! I am not sure whether I will post another chapter today or tomorrow but it will be soon, I promise :) The story will contain eleven chapters (around 41.000 words :P) and I want to finish uploading before I'm going on a holiday so I'll have to hurry ;) Anyways, thanks for reading and stay tuned for the next chapter._


	2. Chapter 2: Calling

**A/N: **_So I couldn't stop myself, uploaded the second chapter today as well. Enjoy and review!_

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Chapter 2: Calling

My whole world was upside down. He only spoke one word but I knew his voice so well, though it was so much better than I had remembered. It had been Edward all along! But why? Why would he call me so many times a day? Did it have anything to do with Alice's visit? Did she see something happening? She's said she couldn't see, was he now checking every hour to see if I was still alive? Of course she could not see me, I was spending all my time around wolves. But what did he care if I lived or died? He left, he did not want me anymore. And why would he not just tell me what was going on? Then I remembered something. I did not want to remember anything from that dark day but I couldn't help this memory. _It will be like I was never here_. He thought that he could make me forget him, that was probably why he did not say anything! Was he really checking if I was still alive every time? What would he do if Charlie or someone else picked up? Would he ask if I was okay? Or would he hang up on them as well?

My mind was so full of questions and my stomach had not stopped flipping over and over. I was too restless to go to sleep, I couldn't focus on reading either and listening to music did not calm me down the way it normally did, I needed answers. But I couldn't call his cell now, first because if he would see that it was me calling he would not want to pick up probably, if he wanted to talk to me he would have talked every time he called. And second because I did not want to wake up Charlie on the off chance that Edward would decide to pick up. I wondered whether or not Alice knew that Edward had been checking up on me, I'm sure she did, she would see that. But would she know why? Would she pick up her cell if she saw I was calling her? I couldn't really go around stalking the rest of the Cullens now could I? They left me too, I am just a human to them right? Or would they help me? I decided that I was going to call Alice first thing tomorrow, if Edward had told anyone anything it would be Alice and I would see in the morning if she would want to talk to me.

I was getting my answers one way or the other, this made me feel better and more relaxed, from that moment on the music did work and I calmed down to the point that I could finally get to sleep. My dreams were full of the Cullens, I saw Edward's face everywhere around me, more clear than I had ever seen, he had broken out of his prison and I was probably not going to be able to lock him back up in my heart. I saw Alice too, she was smiling at me, walking towards me but never quite reaching me. I saw Emmett and heard his loud laughter, Jasper was standing to the side, looking away from me, Rosalie looked beautiful and resentful as ever and Carlisle and Esme were standing side by side holding hands and waving at me. The picture was so familiar, it had been my life for so long. I let myself believe that Edward was concerned for me, that that was the reason he had called so often, I knew this would hurt me so much more in the morning but right now, in this dream, I was happy, I did not care it was not real, they were my family, I loved them all. I wanted to go to them, talk to them and hug all of them badly, but when I tried to move closer they started fading away, first Carlisle and Esme faded until they were invisible to me, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper retreated slowly until they were too far away for me to see them, then there was Alice she tried to hold on to me, tried walking towards me, but couldn't, she stretched out her arm in a final attempt to stay with me, I was running towards her now, I could almost touch her when she disappeared like the others had. Only Edward was left, he was standing there, angelic as always, he smiled his croaked smile for me, he didn't retreat, I actually got closer to him, I was close enough that I could touch him now. I wondered what would happen if I did try to touch him, if I would kiss him, would it feel real? Would he stay? I slowly stretched my arm towards him, he didn't move, eventually my hand was where his body should have been, it went right through him, he wasn't real. Of course he wasn't. That moment I woke up, the pain in my chest worse than it had been before, worse than that day in the forest when Sam had found me, worse than all those months I spent hoping he would come back but knowing he wouldn't. I knew now that it hadn't been real, I had seen him, heard his voice, he did not want me, he wasn't real.

I couldn't fall back to sleep after that, even though it was only 6 in the morning. So I decided to lay out my plan for today. I wasn't taking no for an answer and if Alice would not give me an answer I would call Carlisle, I would bother them until they would tell me why Edward had been calling me without saying anything. What had Alice seen? If Edward really wanted to know that I was safe, make sure I would be he would have staid, but he did not, so why the phone calls?

I staid in bed worrying until 7.30, that was a respectable time for me to get out of bed. I had not been able to shut my eyes even, the images I saw there hurt too much. I procrastinated as much as I could on my morning ritual, I ate my breakfast very slowly, I took a long relaxing shower and took the time to brush my hair and get dressed. I checked my email, I had none, I browsed the web for a little, which was very uncharacteristic for me, until I decided I could not wait any longer, if I wasn't going to call now, I probably would not have the courage to do it anymore and it wasn't like I would wake any of them by calling at this hour. First I tried Alice's phone, but it was switched off. I wondered if she had done that on purpose, if she would have seen me trying to call her and instead of her declining the call she would have simply switched off her phone. Or maybe it was just a coincidence, maybe her battery was dead or she did not need her phone today, that could be right? So I dialed Carlisle's phone, this too was switched off. That would have been too much of a coincidence, but maybe they were out hunting. I could theoretically try again later today, or tomorrow, or the day after that. I would just stalk them until they would answer me. I needed to know if something big was going to happen. But I did not feel like giving up yet. I had a few other options, other numbers, I could try. I dialed all but one of the phone numbers I had of the Cullen family. But none of them got me any further, none of the phones were turned on, so there were two things left for me to do, either call the one person I knew would not want to talk to me and would definitely not pick up his phone, so why would I bother? Or I could let it go for today and try again at a different hour. I didn't have the courage to call that one number I knew by heart, so I decided to try Alice again later. I wondered if she would ever turn her phone back on, especially if she could see me keep trying to reach her and she really did not want to talk to me. How I hated that talent of hers right now!

I hadn't noticed that Charlie had been standing behind me, I assumed he would have been gone by the time I came down from getting dressed but he was only just coming from his bedroom and was still wearing his pajama's, he was unusually late for work.

"Dad! You scared me!" I all but screamed.

"Hey Bells, who are you trying to call?"

"Nobody," I lied while turning bright red, "why are you not ready for work or already at work?"

"Well, I have been very tired lately and I heard you toss and turn all night and you were screaming and mumbling in your sleep the entire time, I only wanted to see if you were okay, so I called the station that I was going to be in a little late today, but then I noticed how tired I really was and I decided to take my first day off in a very long time."

This was strange behavior, maybe my dad has been taking the death of Harry Clearwater a lot worse than he has been letting on. When I took a good look at him now I noticed that he was losing weight even, how could I not have noticed this before? My dad looked awful!

"Alright, just go back to bed and get some rest dad, let me take care of everything around here, I was going to go over to Jacob's this afternoon but I'll stay here. You just sleep alright?"

"Bells, you don't have to stay home on my account, I can fend for myself fairly well you know."

"Who are you kidding? You can't even make chicken soup for yourself."

"But I don't want you to stand Jacob up just because I'm not feeling very well. I promise I won't try to make any kind of soup or other things that involve cooking, you just go have fun."

"If you're worried I'm standing Jake up I can call him and see if he wants to come over here okay?"

"Alright, thanks Bells!" Charlie smiled at me, trying to be casual about it but I knew his face well enough to see that he was really glad I was staying and that he was touched by my gesture.

"No problem dad, now get back to bed!"

"Yes ma'am!" And he was off to his own room.

I was really starting to worry about Charlie and was considering calling a doctor, although I knew that his tiredness and the way he felt were not so much physical as they were emotional, but maybe he needed someone to talk to. Then again, this was Charlie, he did not talk to anyone about his emotions. I would let him sort this out on his own, I knew that was the way he would cope with it all best, I got that from him.

So I did what I promised my dad and tried to call Jacob to ask if he wanted to come over here and watch a movie or something. But when I called his home Billy picked up the phone and told me that Jacob was not in at the moment, he was out running with Sam, he asked me if I wanted to leave him a message, I told Billy that my dad wasn't feeling well so I would not be coming over to La Push today, I would stay in and take care of Charlie and I asked him to tell Jake that I had called and that if he felt like it he could come over here to hang out, or to call me. Billy said he would pass on the message and told me to tell Charlie "get well soon" from him, then we hung up the phone.

I didn't bother telling Charlie that Jake wasn't coming, he was probably already asleep by now, instead I just did chores around the house, I had been neglecting the laundry a bit lately so I decided to make up for that today, I made soup for my dad and I cleaned the living room and bathroom. I tidied my own room and when it was time for lunch I had nothing left to do around the house. So I decided to call my mom and tell her how everything was going and ask her how she was doing, I felt like I hadn't really talked to her in ages, which was technically also the case. The last time she had called me had been a couple of weeks ago and even though I was feeling slightly better at the time, I did not quite registered that conversation or any other conversation I had had with anyone but Jacob over the past couple of months. It was time I started paying more attention to my life, because this was the way it was going to be from now on and I did not want to spend the rest of my life as some kind of zombie, I would not put the people I love through that.

Renee was very happy when I called, she talked freely about all the things she and Phil had been up to, the travelling they had done and she talked about Phil's practices, she sounded very happy. She asked me about school, my friends and Jacob, she was very careful not to mention any of the Cullens, everyone had been very careful around me with that, I was thankful for that, it made it so much easier for me, I was having a hard enough time as it was without constant reminders, they knew that. After half an hour on the phone with my mom we were finally done talking, or rather, she was finally done talking. We had talked about everything that was the least bit interesting and then some. It was very good to talk to her again and I was actually hoping I could go over to her house soon. But I knew that I could not leave Forks before Victoria was dealt with, I did not want to bring her anywhere near my mother, without any supernatural protection whatsoever. I flinched when I thought of the danger Victoria brought, I hadn't been thinking about her, at least not really thinking about her, much lately but that did not mean she wasn't still the biggest threat out there, her goal in life was to kill me, and even though the wolves were working overtime to make sure I was safe and that she wasn't attacking anyone else, I still felt that she would somehow find a way through their defense to me and if she would capture me I was sure she would torture me and enjoy every single minute of it. Although her motives for wanting me were flawed, Edward and his family had killed her mate and she wanted to return the favor, but she did not seem to know that I hadn't been Edward's girl for a long time, who knows who would have been a better target for her, he could have easily found someone else who he cared more for than for me. Perhaps he and Tanja got together and they were now somewhere spending eternity gazing lovingly into each others eyes.

That did it, the thought of Edward holding someone else was unbearable, I went back to my room and started crying, it was all too painful and the images of him and Tanja, even though I had never met her, were burnt into my brain forever, holding hands, smiling, kissing even, he would not have to be careful around her, he was never tempted by her blood, just her body. He could love her fully and give all of himself as she would give him all of her. How lucky she was! But I couldn't think of it anymore, I couldn't bear it, the images were too real, just like my dreams lately, everything about the Cullens that I had put away so neatly was breaking through my carefully placed defense. I felt the heartbreak that was on the way and there was nothing I could do to stop it. So I buried my face in my pillow and sobbed until I fell asleep.

It was almost seven when I woke up, I opened my eyes and everything was a bit foggy from all the crying, I slowly raised my head to look around my room, I don't know why but it was like I was searching for something in particular. I noticed a dark silhouette sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of my room. Shock went through my body.

"Edward?" I asked confused.

But something was off, when my eyes focused more I noticed that the person sitting in the rocking chair was too big, too broad and the color of his skin was off.

"No Bells, it's me, Jacob," he said in a hard tone but then he looked at me and his voice changed, he was worried now. "Are you okay?"

No I was not okay, I was disappointed and I was embarrassed for even thinking that it would have been Edward. I was confused.

"Oh, yeah, uhm… what are you doing here?"

"Do you want me to leave?" He looked uneasy, and a bit disappointed now too.

"No I didn't mean it like that Jake! I just thought you were out running with the pack."

"Yeah, I was, but I'm off now. Billy told me that you had called and told me that you couldn't leave because Charlie wasn't feeling well so that I could come over here if I wanted to. So here I am."

"How long have you been here? You could have woken me you know!" I accused him, I was worried I had been talking, or rather screaming, in my sleep again and I did not particularly like the idea of Jacob hearing my thoughts.

"I haven't been here long," I sighed with relief, "and you looked so peaceful that I didn't have the heart to wake you up. I even dozed off a bit myself, this chair feels oddly comfortable."

There was a huge sting in my heart the moment he's said that, there had been a time when someone else had found it comforting to sit in that chair and watch me sleep, even though he could never actually doze off there of course.

"What is wrong?" Jacob looked worried, he must have noticed the change in my expression, he knew my pained look all too well. I flushed. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No Jake I told you, I do not want you to leave, nothing is wrong."

I ran my fingers through my hair, or at least I tried to, my hair was a mess. I could only guess that my face was not much better.

"As a matter of fact, I do want you to leave Jake, to go downstairs for a minute so I can get decent again."

He grinned, "You look more than decent to me. You look very cute."

I blushed even more and couldn't help but feel uncomfortable by the way he joked about my appearance. But why should I care what Jake thought of the way I looked? What did it matter what anyone thought of the way I looked? I had only cared about my appearance for one person and he wasn't going to be here anymore. No, actually it was two people but that was only because of the disapproving looks Alice gave me when she saw me in jeans and a sweater.

"Still…" I started.

"Don't worry about it, I'll be downstairs, see you in a minute." He smiled at me.

I slowly combed my hair and washed my face, my eyes were swollen and bloodshot, I looked like the regular victim in a horror movie who barely escaped the monster that had been chasing her. I realized how true that scenario had become in my life. I still had my own personal monster chasing me. But at least I had a large group of personal protectors who would make sure nothing would happen to me. But at what cost? The same worry I've had since the moment I knew Victoria was out to get me and that Jake's pack was determined to stop her ran through my head again. I tried to push it down as much as I could, there was no need for me to worry about that now.

When I got downstairs Jake was watching TV with Charlie, who looked better rested than he had in a while.

"Hi dad, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine Bells, not as tired anymore. I'm hungry though." Charlie was always very subtle about things but I was just happy he was looking and feeling better.

"I'll start cooking right away."

"Well, actually I wasn't sure at what time you were going to wake up and I didn't want to wake you up since you have been doing so much around the house today, so I just ordered a couple of pizzas. It's just taking a very long time for the delivery boy to get here."

After a ten minutes or so the doorbell rang.

"That was about time." Charlie grumbled and he got up to answer the door.

Jake staid for dinner and the three of us ate pretty much in silence, every now and then Charlie would ask Jacob a random question about his school and the boys he has been hanging out with but nothing special. It was very clear that Charlie was fond of Jake, he was very comfortable around him, but he was, after all, part of the family.

After dinner Charlie went to his own room claiming he had some stuff to do there, he smiled innocently at me before he darted out the room. I knew he liked Jake and everything but did he have to make it all that obvious? Why was everyone so for the two of us being a couple?

"What movie do you want to watch?" Jacob interrupted my thoughts.

"Huh? What?"

"I asked what movie you wanted to watch. I thought we could watch a movie together, you know just relax."

"Oh, yeah, sure, well, whatever movie you want to watch is fine by me." Jake didn't seem like the romantic comedy type of guy anyway and he would know I wouldn't be in the mood for that, he seemed to know what I wanted and needed better than I did sometimes.

"I guess we could watch this one, if you want?" He held up Click, I was fine with that, a funny movie but low on romance.

"Sure."

He put the DVD in the DVD-player and started the movie before he joined me on the couch. He sat closer than he actually had to if you asked me, but I didn't complain, there was no need for us to be different than we always were just because of that conversation with Billy. We were just friends.

Halfway through the movie I heard Jake snoring next to me, he must have fallen asleep without me noticing, I wondered how long he had been out. At a certain point he rested his head on my shoulder and put his arm around my waist, it wasn't uncomfortable so I didn't try and move him, he needed his sleep and I was not going to wake him up. I rested my head on top of his and closed my eyes. It didn't take long before I fell asleep as well.

I woke up from a dreamless sleep when Charlie cleared his throat. I opened my eyes and noticed that the movie was finished, I hadn't seen very much of it. I noticed that Jake was still asleep on my shoulder and I nudged him to wake him up. It seemed to startle him a little because he jumped up from the couch and looked scared.

"Oh." He said when he noticed what had woken him.

Charlie tried to hide his smile but he was not successful, a laughter escaped his mouth, after which Charlie put a hand over his mouth and looked embarrassed.

"Sorry." he mumbled. "But Jacob it's 10.30, so I think you should head home before Billy starts to worry."

"Yeah, you're right. I'll see you later." He told Charlie. I walked with him to the door.

"Will you come over to La Push soon?" He sounded unsure.

"Of course!" I promised, it wasn't like I had such a full life or that I didn't enjoy my time with Jacob so why would he doubt that?

He smiled at my quick response and seemed to relax a little. "Alright, then I will see you very soon!"

"Yeah, see you. Tell Billy I said hi okay?"

"Sure."

"Bye Jake!"

"Bye Bells!"

Then he ran off into the forest, where I knew he would stay for the biggest part of the night, watching over me. I felt safe and sad at the same time, I didn't want him to give up his sleep to protect me.

Charlie cleared his throat and was staring at the floor uncomfortably.

"What is it dad?" I asked a little irritated.

"Nothing, never mind. I'm still feeling a little tired so I'm turning in. Sleep tight Bells."

"Alright, dad, 'night." I was relieved he hadn't told me what he wanted to say because I was sure I wasn't going to like it one bit... I guessed it would be something along the same lines as my conversation with Billy only ten times more uncomfortable and awkward.

I wasn't tired anymore really, since I had been sleeping most of the day anyway. So I decided to give calling the Cullens another try. First I dialed Alice's number, no answer, then Emmett, I had hoped he would want to talk to me still more than any of the other Cullens, he always seemed to have fun talking to me, but no answer there either. I tried the rest of them, Carlisle, Esme, Jasper and even Rosalie. But everytime I heard the sound indicating that there was no one on the other end of the line there was pain shooting through my heart. I dialed the last number I knew, _his _number, but my finger got stuck above the green 'call' button and I couldn't continue anymore. Instead I pressed the red button to delete the number and went upstairs to go to bed.

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**A/N:** _Well that was it for the second chapter, considerably shorter than the first one, saves me some time with checking for mistakes ;) I hope you enjoyed it, let me know! And the third chapter will be up soon as well, don't know when but soon :) Stay tuned ;)_


	3. Chapter 3: Note

**A/N: **_Since all of you have been so wonderful with the lovely reviews I decided to reward you by uploading the third chapter today as well. I hope you enjoy it and keep reviewing :) You can consider this my New Year's present to you guys! :D_

_Thanks to everyone who has added this story to their favorites, I hope you won't be disappointed with where I take it :) _

_Just a little note to the people from team Jacob: sorry but this still won't have a happy ending for Bella and Jacob as a couple, I'm an Edwardfan myself (along with Alice and Emmett but that's besides the point) and even though I really like Jake too, Bella needs her Edward and he needs his Bella :) Sorry! :D _

_Anyways, I'm taking a little break from baking '_oliebollen_' - which is, for those of you who are not Dutch or familiar with the phenomenon, just fried dough balls (trust me, they're way better than they sound :P) that the silly Dutchies eat on New Year's Eve (well... officially at least, most Dutch people have already had their fare share of oliebollen way before the 31st of December ;):P) - to upload this chapter. Enjoy and Happy New Year everyone! :D_

**Chapter 3: Note**

A month had passed by without notice, every week was the same. I was mostly ignored by everyone at school, accept for Mike, Angela and Ben, they always tried to have a conversation with me, I wasn't such a zombie anymore. I wasn't myself still but I could actually pay attention to a conversation and try to show some enthusiasm occasionally. I spent almost every afternoon down at La Push, even when Jake wasn't in I would just sit in Billy's living room doing my homework and wait for Jacob to return, or I would go by Emily's house and spent time with her. During the weekends I spent most of my time at work and the only times that were hard for me now were the times I was alone, so in the evening and at night.

I had tried to contact Alice and the rest of the Cullens, except for one, at least once a week, but they still wouldn't return any of my calls. So I was going to give up. They clearly did not want to talk to me, Alice must have seen me try desperately to contact them by now and if she would have cared at all about what was going on with me she would have answered or called back by now, but she hadn't, so I was going to have to let it go. The sound of Edward's voice was also fading in my head, it had been too long since I'd heard him on the phone and I wasn't risking my life anymore so there was no need for my imagination to get the better of me and make me hear his voice in my head. I did miss him but I couldn't put Charlie through any of it anymore, he would have a heart attack if he would find out what I had been up to down at La Push and he maybe would even forbid me to go there, not that that would stop me from going there, but it would surely complicate things. So I staid away from the real dangerous stuff, I did drive my motorcycle with Jake every once in a while but I was actually getting pretty good at it so there was no need for imaginary Edward to try and stop me from doing that. Of course I could never forget about Edward and the hole in my chest would always be there but it was bearable, only at nights did I allow myself to actually feel the pain and I cried myself to sleep frequently.

Today was no different than any of the other Saturdays, I woke up with eyes thick from crying myself to sleep, hair all messed up from the tossing and turning that had become a nightly activity for me and hardly rested, my throat was soar, this night must have been one of the bad ones because that soar throat usually meant I had been screaming for the biggest part of the night. My alarm went off early, although I hardly ever needed it to get up anymore, and I knew it was time to get up and get ready for work. So I threw myself off my bed only to come to an abrupt stop by a little piece of paper that floated through my room due to the wind my movements had caused. I remembered the piece of paper instantly. It had been many months ago, in a different lifetime it seemed, when I had found that note on the seat of my truck, I had only started to figure out about the supernatural world that I lived in. The words cut through me like a knife. _Be safe._ it had said and he had meant it at the time. For a moment I let my mind wander to that time, a happier time, an easier time. Even considering everything I had been through since I came to Forks, all the bad things that had happened, I would take all of it 10 times over again if that meant not having to live through this and just be with him. I stopped the train my thoughts were on, first because I didn't really have time for this, I was already running late for work, and second because I couldn't bear it. Through my morning routine I couldn't help but wonder how that note all of a sudden ended up on the floor. Hadn't it been in my desk the entire time? I hadn't told Edward I had saved the note all this time so he wouldn't have gotten rid of it like he had everything else that would remind me more of him, as if I needed any of that! But that still did not explain how it got from the drawer in my desk onto the floor, I hadn't even thought of the note for so long that I had forgotten I had it completely. I wasn't able to look at it at the time I knew I had it because it hurt too much, but it hadn't crossed my mind for so long. And the pain the note brought was almost unbearable. Just like the mystery. But it was a relief to remember that he once actually did care for me, or he seemed to at least. He had been worried about small things, me falling into an ocean or getting hit by a bus, little did he know I would be facing a dangerous tracker vampire, a vindictive mate of that particular vampire and most importantly an attack by his own brother. But none of that mattered now. Even though I knew it was only going to hurt me so much more, I decided to take the note with me, so I put it in the pocket of my jeans, where it would stay, I did not have the strength to look at it but somehow I felt oddly comforted by the fact that I carried it with me, it felt like he really did want me to be safe, against everything I knew to be true.

I felt the note burn inside my pocket the entire day, although I never looked at it. My mind was with that note throughout my work. Working at the Newton's store never gave me any mental distractions, it wasn't the most difficult job in the world and all I had to do was sit behind the counter of the store, nobody would ever ask me for advice, which was very smart seeing as how hiking or anything of the sort would be a deathtrap for me, so I staid far away from anything like it. But that also meant that I never really had to help anyone with anything other than telling them the prices of their items and giving them back change. So I had plenty of time to think to myself. It still riddled me, even though I hadn't checked I was almost certain that the note had been securely placed inside my desk, with no way of escaping on its own, unless it had all of a sudden taken a life of it's and who was I to say that _that_ wasn't possible? I could not recall ever taking it out after the day I had gotten it, although I never thought of getting rid of it either. So how did it end up on the floor all of a sudden? It couldn't have been there before because I would have noticed, right? I had to say I have been quite unobservant lately but would I really have been that blind? Or would I just not have cared and that's why I hadn't stored it in my memory? I honestly did not know.

That afternoon I spent my time at La Push beach with Jacob hanging out and talking about nothing really. I did ask him how the running was, I knew he was doing that most of the time I wasn't spending with him so we ran out of other options to talk about. Even though Jake knew I didn't really like the idea of him and his pack tracking Victoria anywhere, since I didn't want any of them to get hurt. But it was always a relief to hear that they had not found her. Today, Jake didn't give me his usual "Don't worry Bells, she's not anywhere close" kind of remarks while wearing a huge grin on his face and rolling his eyes at my worrying. I had asked him the same question every day but today he did seem rather surprised by it, like he only realized at that exact moment that I did not know what had happened that afternoon. That look he gave me, confused and thoughtful, made me flinch in the slightest bit, I was not going to hear everything was fine today, I was not going to like the answer he was going to give me. And even though he looked like he was considering not telling me what had happened, I knew he would give me the answer.

"What, no witty remark about how oversensitive I am today?" I tried to joke, although I knew he was in no mood to joke, I just wanted to get that pained look of his face.

"Uuhm…" He was hesitating.

"Come on Jake, if something happened I need to know!" I dropped the lightness I had tried earlier, it didn't seem to work anyways.

"I know." Still no real answer.

"Jake, just tell me, I would only imagine worse things if you don't tell me, and I will find out one way or the other anyways so you might as well just be the one to tell me." I knew this would work, he knew me well enough to know that if he didn't answer my questions, other members of the pack would, Sam might think it would be useful for me to know so he would be my first attempt.

"Right, I know. Really it's no big deal Bella, don't get so worked up over it!" He rolled his eyes dramatically and tried to be playful about it but his eyes gave him away, it was a big deal, he wouldn't try to downplay it for me if it wasn't. I knew Jake inside and out so there was no way he was keeping me from worrying this way.

"Just tell me and I'll decide if it's a big enough deal for me to get worked up over!" I snapped at him.

My tone grabbed his attention. First he was smiling, he knew I wasn't very good at staying mad at him anyway. But the smile soon faded, he was getting ready to tell me. Finally!

"Well, like I said, no big thing so don't get worked up over it okay?"

"Sure, sure." Was all I could manage, the suspense was taking it's toll on my manners.

Jake smiled a little at the response I had picked up from him and continued.

"Sam and Embry were doing the usual rounds last night, while the rest of us were getting some sleep. I shouldn't have been asleep, I could have been running with them! I wasn't really that tired even, if it wasn't for Sam ordering me, I would have been there." Jake was rambling, he had to snap out of it, I needed to know what happened last night.

"Jake!"

"Right, sorry, anyways. So Sam and Embry were running last night and they caught the bloodsucker's scent in the forest close to the beach, they knew that if they were only with the two of them she might have been a problem, but they decided that they would try and catch her anyways. They thought they probably wouldn't find her anyway because she seemed to have a talent for evading us so far so why would this night be any different?" He looked sad.

"That doesn't really sound like Sam, he is usually very responsible right?"

"Yeah, but the trail was very fresh, no older than five minutes, so if they had any chance of catching her they would have to go after her straight away or she would have been long gone. So they decided to run after her. They should have woken me! But that's not the point." He quickly focused on the replay of last night again. "They traced the trail all the way to the cliffs near the sea…" The memory of those cliffs made me cringe a little, Victoria had been on the same cliffs I had jumped off of not too long ago. Jacob noticed my reaction and put his arm around me to comfort me, I felt safe. He continued. "…and when they got to the cliffs she was standing there, almost smiling it seemed, she actually seemed to be waiting for them. She took Sam and Embry off guard a little and they came to a full stop only a few feet away from where she was standing. At the exact moment she noticed that Embry and Sam had hesitated to attack her, she attacked them." He paused to measure my response, my head was spinning, thinking about all the harm that she could have done to both Embry and Sam, I felt like I was going to cry, another thought rose to the surface of my mind, blocking out everything else, it screamed at me. _It could have been Jacob!_ I knew he was measuring my response so I worked very hard to keep my feelings under control, but that last thought made it especially difficult. Somehow I did seem to manage enough control for Jake to continue his story, but not before he assured me that they were fine. "She hit Sam first, she must have know he was the stronger one of the two, so she could not let him come to his senses sooner or he would have finished her off probably. Her attack broke his shoulder and incapacitated him for a few moments, enough for her to go after Embry, who was already heading for the attack, they collided and he tore of her arm with his teeth but not before she dove headfirst into his chest, breaking a few ribs along the way. The sound of his agony was so loud it woke me up but before I could get to the cliffs she was already gone, fleeing once again." Jake stopped his story there, he was waiting to see my response so I worked hard to keep my face even and serene but he knew me too well and saw the pain that was boiling underneath the surface.

"Don't worry Bells, it's all over now, Embry got her pretty good so she probably won't be back for a while and we know for next time that we won't go after her without the entire pack anymore. And don't worry about Sam or Embry either, we heal very quickly remember?" He tried to laugh a little but it didn't touch his eyes, for once he was worried too.

"But how could that happen?" I was confused, she had been avoiding the pack from the beginning, why would she now all of a sudden attack? It seemed out of character.

"What do you mean?" Jake was confused too, he had explained everything so clearly, how could I not understand?

"Well, Victoria has been able to avoid you all the time right? Every time she escaped just when you got too close right?" I hoped I was making sense.

"Right." Jacob wanted me to continue.

"How come that now, all of a sudden, she would attack? Right at the time when there were only two? She couldn't have known that it would only have been Sam and Embry right? So why would she now decide to attack knowing that if it were all of you she probably wouldn't really have a chance. Unless…" A thought came to my mind but I couldn't quite form it into words just yet, I had to get it straight in my head first.

"Unless what…?" Jake urged.

"Give me a minute." She had been avoiding everything dangerous so far, and successfully so, when it had gotten too close, she found her way out. Didn't Jake say that she had a real talent for evasion? What if that were true? What if she knew that this was her opportunity to strike without knowing why? Just a gut feeling that if any now would be the time.

"What if she has a talent for evasion like you said? If that's the thing she does, like mind reading or seeing the future, she is good at keeping herself safe. Wouldn't she be safest when nobody was chasing her?"

"I guess." Jacob had no idea where I was going with this so I quickly continued.

"What if that's the reason she knew to attack now? She might not have known that Sam and Embry were the only ones chasing her, but she might have been able to sense that this would be the time to strike, that you were weakest now, and if she succeeded, she would be safer than before because there were less wolves to worry about and I would be an easier target. It has to be her talent!" I was glowing with excitement when I explained my thoughts to Jacob but he seemed indifferent.

"What difference does it make?"

"Don't you see? Every talent has to have a default, Edward couldn't read my mind and he has to be fairly close to someone to be able to read their mind and Alice can't see you guys and she can't see the future unless the decisions behind it are already made, so what if Victoria's talent, if it is indeed like the other ones we've seen, also has a flaw? A weakness? If we could figure that out wouldn't that make everything so much easier?"

I saw Jake's eyes lighting up as he understood where I was going. He smiled proudly at me and I have to say I was quite impressed with myself for this as well.

"You're right! We could finally get our hands, or paws," he smiled at his joke and I had to smile too despite everything, "on her! I have to go tell Sam right away! You don't mind coming over to his house for a little while right? So we can discuss strategy and everything?" What had I done? They were now going to try and find a way to attack Victoria. They were going to get hurt, or worse…

"Uuhm… Don't rush into anything foolish please!" I begged, knowing that it wouldn't make any difference whatsoever but I had to try.

"When will you stop worrying?! It's all going to be fine!" He rolled his eyes and I stuck out my tongue but other than that didn't respond.

"Good, let's go then!" Jake grabbed me and, even though I was complaining very loudly, he lifted me into his arms and started running. Walking _normally_ wasn't fast enough for him apparently.

On the one hand it was good to see Jake this excited, he was more like the younger Jacob, the one I really liked, my best friend, but the reason for his excitement made me very uncomfortable. He was looking forward to a fight with a vampire! Vampires were the strongest, most intimidating, at least the evil ones, and most dangerous creatures I knew. How was a pack of teenage wolves going to compete with that? Vampires had ages to acquire skills, none of these boys were even past 30! Even though they had her outnumbered I still didn't think they were a match for her, it worried me so much it made me sick. But I thought the Cullens would even have trouble with this one particular vampire, and they were just as intimidating as she was if they wanted to be, just as strong and just as fast. How could I think the wolves would survive without any injuries or worse…?

When we got to Sam's place most of the pack was already sitting there since that's where they usually hung out, being a wolf didn't really allow them to have any other friends besides the pack and stubborn people who didn't allow their best friend to shut them out of their life for no good reason. I knew it would be easier for all of them to just change to their wolf form so they could do the whole reading each other's every thought thing but for some reason I didn't understand Jake wanted me to explain my epiphany, so I went through every detail I had already told Jake and all of them reacted in much the same way Jake had, excited for some action. Except for Sam, who had already always seemed like the most mature and sensible one to me. Sam was thinking of the consequences if they were to go after Victoria. He wanted to gather as much information as possible before they would start a trial-and-error thing with lives at stake. And he wasn't just talking about the pack's lives, he was mostly talking about mine. He was sure the pack would be fine, walk away without a scratch, but if Victoria would be able to get past the pack during one of their trials she would find me unprotected and I would be an easy target for her. So Sam told them they were not going to attack Victoria for quite some time, there could be no mistakes, one chance, nothing more. I was grateful to him, even though my concerns were not about me at any point in the conversation, I was happy that he would always get his way with the pack and they would not be going after Victoria and getting hurt any time soon.

Even though I had thought I had already told the pack everything I knew about vampires I noticed I had left out many details as well. I realized that because it had hurt too much for me in the past to even think about the Cullens and anything related to them, including every other vampire in the world, I had not told the wolves anything about them really. So when Sam asked me to tell them everything I knew once again so they could use that in the light of this new information I ended up telling them things they had not known at all before. That was the reason Jake and I spent the rest of the evening with the rest of the pack at Sam and Emily's place, talking about vampires and my experiences with James, Victoria and Laurent, but also about things I knew about the Cullens. It had been a very exhausting evening emotionally, even though I could think their names without the agony it had brought on before, there was still a nagging feeling in my stomach and a small knife through my heart with every memory.

Jake had been watching my expressions carefully throughout the entire time, he had comforted me when he saw I was having trouble with some thoughts or memories, and he had been silent most of the time, just watching and listening and understanding. He had been a truly good friend to me tonight. That's why he caught me completely off guard when we were standing at my truck later in the evening after we had walked there, hand in hand like we always did. We had been walking in silence most of the time and it was easy, no pressure, no hurt, just me and him, the way a close friendship should be. At least that was the way I felt. But when we were standing at my truck and Jake held the door open for me to get in, he bent his head just a little and moved it slowly towards me. I didn't realize what he was getting at before it was too late, he had already planted his lips on mine, his hands holding my head and his eyes looking into mine, his lips moved with care, unsure against mine. I was overwhelmed and emotional, I wasn't sure if it was still from all the feelings that talking about vampires all night had brought out in me or if it was the unexpectedness of this whole situation with Jake but I started crying, tears were rolling down my face without me wanting them to or without me being able to stop them. Jacob quickly pulled away, looking worried.

"Are you okay Bella? I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you? Please don't be mad! You're not ready, I get it, I'll be good I promise!" He was pleading.

"I'm… I'm fine Jake, I don't know what happened, but I'm not ready for this that's true. Don't be sorry, I'm the one who… I'm… Oh Jake!" My sobbing got so loud I couldn't even formulate normal sentences. Why did he have to go and kiss me like this? Out of the blue. Why couldn't it just be easy? Why couldn't I like him kissing me? Why was this happening? I wanted to be happy! I wanted him to be happy! Why couldn't we be happy together? The tears rolled down my eyes even faster now, I was almost hyperventilating and it was getting embarrassing. I buried my head in his chest and we stood there for a while, him holding me, trying to comfort me. After a while Jake cleared his throat and waited for me to look him in the eyes. I wasn't done crying so I couldn't really see his face but he seemed determined about something.

"You are in no state to drive like this Bella, let me take you home."

"What about my truck?" I asked weakly, wondering what Charlie would think if he saw me come home but not my truck, he would probably assume that I had fallen down again or something.

"I can drive." He sounded bitter.

"How do you get home then?"

"Oh come on Bella, haven't we been over this a thousand times already! I can run home."

"Right, werewolf, got it." Jacob laughed, it wasn't his normal laugh, it was a controlled, uncertain laugh.

"Let's get you home."

I got in on the passenger side and Jake slid behind the wheel. We were silent throughout the entire time we were in La Push but when we could see the lights of Forks Jake started talking.

"So are you really okay?"

"I'm fine Jake, really, why?"

"Well, I'm not sure, since I have no experience with any of this, but people don't usually start crying their eyes out when someone kisses them do they?"

"Yeah, sorry." I muttered.

"It's okay, no need to apologize, but what happened? Did I do something wrong?"

I blushed. "No Jake, that's not it."

"Did I hurt you? Was it unpleasant?" He was insecure now, he kept his eyes strictly on the road and he was even blushing a bit.

"No you didn't hurt me at all and it wasn't that unpleasant, it was just unexpected and I guess I was a little emotional after talking about… well, you know. And I'm just not ready Jake, I can't… I don't know how… I'm just…" I hung my head. "Sorry."

"Don't sweat it Bella!" He laughed but I could see that he was hurt underneath. I tried to comfort him.

"If I'm ever ready, you'll be the first to know! Although you really shouldn't wait for me you know! I'm no good for you, broken remember?" Part of what I said reminded me of what Edward had said to me in the beginning, that stung.

"I'll be your friend and nothing more until you're ready Bells, I won't push you."

"I hope you're more than just my friend Jake, you're my best friend!" I tried to lighten the mood, it worked.

Jake smiled. "Best friend!" He said. And then we were in front of my house, Charlie's cruiser was in the driveway already, so he was probably waiting for me downstairs.

"Charlie's home so I think you should just stay in the car until I've closed the door so he doesn't see you, that way he doesn't ask questions like why I couldn't drive or how you're going home now."

"Sure. Are you ready to go in? Are you okay?" He was worried again.

"I'm fine Jake, really, don't worry so much." I winked at him and he smiled.

"Alright then, sweet dreams Bella." I groaned at that, my dreams haven't been sweet in so long.

"You too Jake, I'll see you soon!"

"Bye Bells."

"Bye Jake."

I closed the door of my car and walked up to the house.

When I got inside Charlie was watching TV, that was a good thing, it usually meant that he wouldn't even bother looking up to see how I was doing anymore, not since I had been happier again.

"Hi Bells, did you have a nice day?"

"Hi dad, yeah, it was nice, hung out with Jake and his friends down at La Push most of the afternoon and evening, that was fun."

That was enough for Charlie so I told him I was tired and went upstairs.

"Sweet dreams!" He yelled after me. I just wished everyone would stop saying that, why couldn't they say "don't dream" or something equivalent to that when they had to bring up dreams anyways? Or even better, why couldn't they just say "sleep tight" or anything? I groaned again, although Charlie didn't hear me.

"'Night dad!"

Because of the busy evening I had had, I had completely forgotten about the note in my pocket. I couldn't help but be curious, I had to know how it got from my desk to the floor. I had a weird feeling that if I would look inside my desk the note would still be there but I knew that was impossible. I was about to look, just to be sure of course, when Charlie knocked on my door.

"Come in." I said.

Charlie stuck his head around my door, a little flushed.

"What is it dad?" I asked, trying to hide my annoyance as much as I could.

"Sorry Bells, I just wanted to make sure you were okay." What brought this on?

"I'm fine dad, I told you right?"

"Yeah, I know, but I had this weird feeling that something might be bothering you, but I can see you don't want to talk about it so I'll leave you alone now. I just need to know one thing though." I waited for him to continue but he didn't really seemed to intent to do so.

"What is it dad?" I asked again.

"I was just wondering if you and Jake are okay? Still friends and everything?"

"I told you I had a good time with Jake and his friends at La Push, why would you ask if we were okay or even still friends?"

"I don't know I just thought something might have changed for some reason, never mind, goodnight Bells. Sorry!" How could he have noticed that? He couldn't have known! And Billy didn't know so he couldn't have told him! But either way I shouldn't really tell him about it right? Although talking to someone other than Jake about how I was feeling did sound pretty good, but Charlie wouldn't be that person. I decided I would go by Angela's house tomorrow and discuss it with her, she wasn't one to judge or anything, she would be understanding and helpful.

"It's okay dad, but really everything is fine. Sleep tight!"

"Oh and would you do me a favor?"

"Sure dad, what is it?"

"Call your mom tomorrow, she called for you today, something about you not answering your email." He gave me a disapproving look.

"I haven't checked my email in a while, must have slipped my mind, I will give her a call first thing tomorrow. 'Night dad!"

"Sure, see you tomorrow Bells."

He closed the door behind him and I was alone again. The note had never left my mind, I was anxious to prove to myself that the note could not still be in my desk because it was on the floor. But I didn't want Charlie to walk in to my room again either so I had to be done in the bathroom first so he would know I would be ready to go to sleep and he would not bother me any further with any more difficult or plain annoying questions about me and Jacob.

On the one hand I was too impatient to take a shower but on the other hand I needed some perspective and some relaxing hot water on my body so I decided to take a shower and was glad I did because it helped me think more clearly. Why was I so excited? So impatient? What did I expect to find in my drawer that would change everything so radically? I reasoned with myself, I was going to check my desk, I just had to be sure, but I wasn't expecting anything to be there so there was no reason to be this impatient. I tried to go through my daily routines as relaxed as I could but I couldn't help rushing the brush through my hair a little. I all but ran back to my room and came to a stop before my desk. This was it, I thought, like I was in some sort of movie and this was the climax of the entire story. And it felt that way.

"Stupid, emotional little girl!" I muttered to myself while I postponed opening the desk for as long as I could. I knew I would feel disappointed, worse than before, when I didn't find the note in the drawer.

All of a sudden I remembered where exactly I had put the note, it was inside the one book that was in that drawer, my old diary, the one I used to write in when I was little and I would come here during the holidays. How could it have moved from _in _a book _inside_ the drawer of my desk to my floor? I was really curious now, but scared at the same time.

There was no reason to postpone any longer, it was just me making myself crazy and it was just a drawer. I slowly opened it and I saw my diary, just where I remembered it to be, in exactly the same position. I opened the book on the page I knew I had put the note a while ago…

I had been staring at the piece of paper for an hour straight, I couldn't move, couldn't think, or rather I didn't want to think. When I had opened my diary it was staring at me, the note I had securely placed there, the words staring at me, I read them again. _Be safe._ I was so baffled by the fact that the note had indeed been there, like I had thought it would be but couldn't reasonably expect it to be, I was even doubting that I had found the note on my floor this morning. So I had walked over to my pants and reach in the pocket it would have to be in, it was there. I walked back to my bed with the note in my hand and started comparing it to the note in the diary, they were exactly the same, the paper was exactly the same and so was the text, even the place of the text on the paper seemed the same. But how? I was too keyed up to relax. Had he really produced a new note in the exact same way that he had written that first note so long ago? He would have been able to make it look exactly the same, photographic memory and all, but why? And did he think I wouldn't notice? Or would he think I had thrown out the first note and forgot all about it and just think that this was the same note and I had imagined throwing it out? I couldn't figure out the motivation behind it all. I was confused to say the least. I tried to think of a logical explanation for this all, one that didn't send my hormones racing through my body. Maybe he had written me this note again but I just forgot about it and it ended up on my floor because it was hidden somewhere in the mess in my room and the wind blew it to the center of my room. But I couldn't remember getting another, exactly the same, note from him. I would have remembered that… Right? Besides, if he had written me the same note, why would he have written it on exactly the same kind of paper and in exactly the same position - and I was sure now that it was exactly the same position even before I had measured it but I had to be sure and it was accurate to the millimeter - as the previous note? That would take at least some effort right? Some thought? Even for a supernatural being like Edward. On top of that I thought I had remembered everything exactly that had anything to do with Edward, I did remember the other note he had written me but I couldn't place this one anywhere in our history. But that means Edward had to have been here and, more importantly, he would have to care for me still. And he had made his thoughts on that matter quite clear before, he didn't care for me, he didn't care what happened to me, so there had to be another explanation. But which one? I was going through all sorts of possibilities in my mind but none of them made sense to me.

I even thought someone else could have placed it there like some sort of sick joke, but who would be able to reproduce it so exactly, match his handwriting perfectly and would be able to come in and out of my room without me noticing. I froze in shock. Any vampire would have been able to do exactly that. But they had to have done it while I was sleeping, so it couldn't have been Victoria, she wouldn't have just done that, even if she was able to get this close to me with all the wolves on the lookout for her she would not have been able to leave me alive, she would have been too close to her goal to just walk away after leaving a note like that, and why would she? And how would she know about the note? She wouldn't, obviously. I would assume only Edward, or maybe Alice too, would have known about the note and would have been able to come into my room without disrupting me, but I couldn't think of any reason why either Edward or Alice would come into my room.

Edward didn't care about me, I told myself this over and over again, I could hardly stop myself from hoping, from even thinking that he had placed that note because he actually wanted me to be safe. It made more sense to think Alice had placed the note, I knew she cared for me still, but why would she do it in exactly the same way Edward had written the note? Copy his exact handwriting? Using the exact same sort of paper with the text in exactly the same place, even the same folds in the paper? Why couldn't she just have written the note in her own words? Her own handwriting? Her own paper? She would have, I was almost certain. That brought me no closer to solving this.

It was past 4.30 when I finally was so exhausted that I laid my head on my pillow and fell asleep. But I didn't rest, not for one minute, my head was still going over the whole note issue, every possibility I had already gone through in my mind was racing through my dreams as well, pushing against other ideas trying to fight their way to the center of my attention. When I woke up I was no closer to figuring out the truth.

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**A/N: **_Alright, that's it for the third chapter. What do you guys think? I won't be uploading anything else until tomorrow 'cause I'll be out celebrating New Year's :) I hope I have a chance to upload chapters 4 and 5 tomorrow (not entirely sure though, I'll be very busy visiting people to wish them Happy New Year and everything... I do have a life outside of FF (although... I admit... not a aweful exciting one ;):P But that's why I'm so happy you guys enjoy my escape to FF :P) _

_Until next time! (which will be soon, promise :)) Happy New Year! Xxx_


	4. Chapter 4: Hospital

**A/N: **_Hi everyone. Happy New Year! I hope you had an awesome night :) For the first time in 2010: here's another chapter ;) Enjoy :) And don't forget to tell me what you think ;)_

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**Chapter 4: Hospital**

I wanted to call Edward, not only to hear his beautiful voice again but to find out what exactly was going on. But I still wasn't sure that I hadn't imagined the whole thing or had forgotten about a note I had already had before. I would look like a complete idiot if I called him and he didn't know what I was talking about. Would he be annoyed that I thought he would give me a note telling me to make sure I was safe and showing that he still cared for me if he had done nothing like that and he didn't still care for me? Would he be mad at me? He probably wouldn't even answer his phone, why would he? The rest of his family didn't! Before I could decide on a course of action I had to make sure I wasn't imagining things, so I took my diary, that was on my nightstand and opened it to exactly the right page, if I was crazy, why would my diary be on my nightstand? But that was not enough to convince me, if I would really be crazy there would only be 1 note in there with those exact words, if I hadn't imagined yesterday there would be two notes. There were two. So I wasn't crazy, or at least I wasn't imagining things other than I had before.

I was still thinking about the note when I drove to La Push, I was too occupied by my thoughts to really notice what was going on around me so when I looked outside I noticed had almost past Jacob's house, the realization made me hit the brake a little too hard and the car immediately came to a complete stop with so much force I hit my head on the steering-wheel. I couldn't move for a few minutes, I just sat there, dazed. Jacob must have seen me because he ran over to my car and yanked the door open with so much force it severed from the car. That woke me and I looked at him, confused.

"Bella, are you okay? What happened?"

"I… Uuhm… I don't know…"

"Are you okay? You hit your head! Want me to take you to a doctor?"

"No, Jake, I'm okay, really, it's nothing!" I automatically moved my hand to my head to examine the damage, it was soar and I could definitely feel a bump forming and I felt that I had a little cut and was bleeding a little but it was no big deal, it really didn't matter with the company I was keeping nowadays. However, even the thought of bleeding made me sick, I didn't like the smell of blood at all and I was starting to smell it now, although it really didn't feel like I was losing much blood so I could have easily been imagining the blood.

"Your bleeding Bella! What happened? Why did you hit the brakes so suddenly?" He demanded, looking around for any signs of danger.

"I was almost past your house." I said simply, like that explained everything.

Jacob started laughing. "That's all? You thought the fact that you were almost past my house and would have to turn around if you actually past it was reason enough to stomp your breaks and hit your head on the wheel? What were you thinking?!" He wasn't sure if he was supposed to be mad or amused.

"Yeah, I don't know, I wasn't really thinking I guess."

"Where was your mind at then?" I blushed, I didn't want to tell him about the notes or Edward.

"I don't know I just hadn't had much sleep last night so maybe that's why I wasn't paying much attention to the road. I guess it's a good thing I know the route by heart otherwise I might have gotten lost or something." I tried to joke.

It worked, Jake laughed and I was sure he wasn't mad at me.

"I guess, with your luck and all it could have been a lot worse than this." He joked too.

Well, I'm really doing a great job with the whole being safe thing, I thought to myself. I smiled at that. The moment I start to realize Edward might actually want me to be safe, I would go and do something like this. Ah well, it could indeed have been a lot worse. Then I realized Jake was still holding my door.

"What did you do to my car?!" I exclaimed, half mad half amused, like he had been with me before.

"Huh…" Jake looked at the hand he was holding the door in, it seemed like he hadn't noticed how much force he had used until now. "I guess I just really wanted to know if you were safe." He shrugged. I laughed at that.

We went to Billy's house so that Jacob could put some gauze on my head. After that Jake and I drove the truck to the garage so that he could try and put the door back on. We spent the rest of the afternoon there, it had been so long ago that we had been sitting here, working on our bikes, or rather me watching Jake work on our bikes, everything had been so different, easier on the one hand, harder on the other. We had been just friends, no complications, he was still the joyful Jacob I knew and loved, no burden of being a wolf, the way a teenaged boy should be, but I wasn't the way I was now, I was much darker, much sadder than I was now. I still wasn't my old self, but I was improving steadily. Or at least I thought I had, until I found that note.

Around dinnertime I went home, even though Billy had invited me to stay for dinner and invite Charlie over, but I told him that I needed to do laundry and other chores as well and that I knew it would be too late to do that if we would stay for dinner, since Charlie and Billy would probably end up watching some game on the television. So I drove home, under heavy complaints from Jake, he didn't seem to think I was in any state to drive home, I promised him to keep my eyes on the road at all times and not to let my mind drift, I still thought I saw a wolf running in the forest next to me. "Overprotective!" I muttered to myself.

I walked into the house and Charlie was reading the paper but he looked up when he heard me come in.

"Hi kid, how was your day?"

"Hi dad, it was fine, yours?" Our conversations never took very long, it was more out of politeness that we even bothered, or at least I think it is.

"Fine too, thanks." Then he looked up and his expression changed from slightly smiling to horrified. "Now what happened?" He asked me while rolling his eyes.

My hand automatically moved to my forehead again, but I stopped it before I actually touched my head, since I knew the bruise and cut I had would hurt if I touched it.

"Oh, it's nothing." I answered.

"It doesn't look like nothing, even for you." It must have looked worse than I thought it did.

"It's fine dad, really, I just hit the brakes a little to hard when I was stopping in front of Jake's house and I hit my head on the steering-wheel, no big deal."

"No big deal?!" He all but screamed at me. "Bella, have you looked in the mirror at all?"

"Not really." I had to admit.

"Did you go to the hospital?"

"No dad, it really doesn't hurt that much, why?"

"You're bleeding Bella! And not a little either! The gauze is drenched in blood and it seems to be still wet! I can't believe Jacob didn't take you to see a doctor! I'll get my coat and we'll leave right now!" He seemed like he was very close to exploding. Why hadn't Jake said anything? Didn't he notice?

I took a look in the mirror and Charlie wasn't exaggerating, I really did have a drenched gauze on my head, it was completely red and nasty, I got nauseous just by looking at it, and immediately the smell returned, I felt like passing out, but I knew that would upset Charlie even more and he might make an even bigger deal out of all this than it had to be, it wasn't like they didn't already know me down at the ER. Charlie was half dragging me to the car like I was a little girl fighting with all her power to not go to the hospital, I really didn't mind going to the hospital, I was used to it after all.

I hadn't noticed how much the cut and bruises had hurt until the doctor had removed the gauze and was cleaning the wound.

"Well, that's quite a cut you have there, you're going to need some stitches for it." the doctor told me.

Great! That was just what I needed.

"And I want to check if you have a mild concussion so hold still for a second. How are you feeling?" He asked me while he was flashing lights into my eyes.

"I'm fine, I have a headache and the cut hurts a bit though but other than that I'm fine." I looked at Charlie and said: "really dad, I'm fine!"

"Are you dizzy or nauseous at all?"

"Not dizzy, I am a bit nauseous but the sight and smell of blood always make me nauseous so that's nothing new."

"Alright, well you don't seem to have a concussion, you were lucky, you seemed to have made quite a slam. Will you tell me what happened?"

So I told him how I had slammed the brake, I left out the part where it showed that it was for no apparent reason just making it sound like I saw something crossing the road and hit the brakes a little too hard, no need to let the doctor think I was crazy too right?

"Well, alright, I'll just get someone to do the stitches and you'll be free to go. But do come back if you feel any dizziness or if the headache gets worse alright?"

"Sure. Thank you." I told him, even though I knew that would not be necessary, I was fine!

They needed to put in 3 stitches and then I was free to go. I only noticed how tired I was when I sat in the cruiser with Charlie, I could hardly keep my eyes open. I hadn't really been able to sleep properly last night after all. I assumed tonight would be different, I was exhausted and not so worked up anymore, still it would be only around 2 before I would be able to sleep but that was just my rhythm these days.

Charlie didn't really say anything to me the entire ride home he just sometimes looked at me and then he would sigh, shake his head and look away again. When we got to the house I wanted to get away from the disapproving look Charlie was giving me so I half ran to the door and into the house, I was almost at the stairs when Charlie spoke.

"Bella, you really should try to be more careful, I don't want to worry about you every time you're not at home, wondering if you might be hurt somewhere."

"I know dad, I'm sorry."

"I guess you can't really help it. But I will have to have a word with Jacob, he should take better care of you and send you to a doctor the next time you have a cut like this!"

"Sure dad. Although he wanted to take me to a doctor, I had just told him that I didn't need one, so don't blame him, it's my own fault. I'm really tired." I said hoping that it would be enough to keep him off my back for the rest of the evening.

"Sure Bells, go to sleep. I'll be checking on you before I go to bed."

"That's really not necessary dad!" Although I knew saying this was pointless, he would come in to my room to check on me anyway.

"I know but it would make me feel a lot better."

"Fine. Sleep tight!"

"You too Bells." I could finally go upstairs.

I wanted nothing more than to go to bed, fall asleep straight away and not wake up the rest of the night, and preferably not dream either, although I knew that was too much to ask. After I had quickly brushed my teeth and got ready for bed I laid down on my bed and waited for sleep to come. I was in luck, I had only been awake for half an hour or so when I fell asleep, that was quicker than usual, must have been the drugs I took for the headache that was now really starting to bug me but I was happy.

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**A/N:** _Well, that's it for chapter 4, hope you enjoyed it. I might upload Chapter 5 in a bit but I'm not entirely sure :) Chapter 4 was a bit shorter than usual but I couldn't really ad it to any other chapter because then they would be to long or it just didn't really fit but this part was necessary for my story, you'll see why soon enough :) Let me know what you think of this chapter! :) _


	5. Chapter 5: Angela

**A/N:** _Since the last chapter was so short and this one isn't too long either, mostly just a little filler actually but you'll see:), I decided to upload this one straight away as well :) Enjoy and review! ;)_

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**Chapter 5: Angela**

The next morning my alarm woke me up, time for school. I groaned, I had indeed slept through the night but I had been restless, I had some weird dreams that I couldn't quite remember and I must have been tossing and turning a lot because me blanket was on the floor and my pillows were on the wrong side of the bed. I got up slowly and tried to straighten out my thoughts, it was hopeless. So I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Once it was warmed up I stepped under it and let the warm water calm me. After that I went back to my room to get ready for school. That's when I noticed it.

There was again a piece of paper on the floor, the same kind of note as before. I couldn't pick it up just yet, so I walked past it and walked to my nightstand to see if both notes were still in the diary, where I knew I had left them. They were. I looked back to the note on my floor, the text wasn't visible but I saw from the indentations in the paper that it was his handwriting. My heart jumped and my stomach flipped. I walked to the paper slowly and didn't know if I wanted to pick it up now. I knew I wouldn't be able to eat if I picked it up now and that would mess up my system for the rest of the day so I decided to first have breakfast and then come back to see if the note was still there or if I was just imagining things, again... I was sure any shrink would have a feel day with me as their patient by now.

I rushed through my breakfast, I was in a hurry to get back upstairs, to prove to myself that I wasn't imagining things, that there really had been a note. When I was finally done with my food I ran back to my room. When I opened my door and looked to the floor I sighed relieved, it was still there. I picked up the note and opened it so that I could read what it said.

_You didn't listen. What happened?_ That was all it said. What did that mean? I remembered the note I got before telling me to be safe and then I remembered the cut in my forehead. Oh. I hadn't really been safe, I hit my head, right. But why would he ask me that question? Was he really expecting me to answer? Was he afraid someone else hurt me? What did it matter to him? And if he wanted to talk to me, why go through all this trouble to write the notes and not just come up to me and talk to me? There were many more questions running through my mind, but I couldn't really keep track of all of them, they passed in a blur.

After standing in the middle of my room and staring at the note for several minutes I remembered that I had school and I looked at the clock. I was late. I rushed to school then. I made it there only 5 minutes too late and my class had already started when I walked in, nobody really paid attention to me and my teacher didn't say anything so I wasn't in any trouble.

I didn't notice anything that happened around me the rest of the day, I was a zombie once again, but not the same way I had been before, this time I was too caught up in my thoughts, I wasn't hurt or lifeless.

"Where is your mind at?" Angela interrupted my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"You look very absentminded today, what happened?" She wasn't one to pry so if I told her it was nothing she would let it go. But I realized that I really wanted someone to talk to, to tell someone about the notes, I couldn't tell Charlie or Jacob, neither of them would respond in the right way. And it wasn't anything supernatural, not really at least, this was something that could happen to a normal human being, right? I wasn't sure. But I needed to talk to someone badly now that the possibility was out there, so I decided to confide in Angela. At that moment the bell rang and we were going to be late for class.

"We'll talk later okay?" I told Angela, hoping that she would understand that I really wanted to talk to her.

"Sure, you want to come by my house this afternoon to have some girl time?"

"Sounds great! See you then." Then we both went off to our classes.

After school I went to Angela's house, she made tea for us and we sat down on her bed.

"So what's on your mind?" Angela started.

"Well, it's a bit strange actually, yesterday morning I found this note." no need to tell her that it was in my room, how would a normal human boy be able to come in to my room without anyone knowing about it?

"Who was it from?"

"Well, it didn't have a name under it but I am sure I knew the handwriting, it was Edward."

"How…" she started.

"I really don't know."

"What did it say?"

"That's the thing, it didn't say much, it just said 'be safe'."

"Why would he do that?"

"Well, you know I'm kind of always falling down and stuff right?"

"Yeah, but why would he send you a note like that now? After all these months?" She was just as surprised as I had been and asked me the same questions I had been asking myself the entire time.

"I really don't know."

"Does that mean they're back?"

"I don't know, I don't think so."

"But he has to have been here to be able to give you the note right?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"So why didn't he come and talk to you then?"

"I don't know, I don't get it either."

"But there's more right? Because this was yesterday, or was that what you were thinking about today as well?"

"Yeah, there's more. So yesterday after I had seen the note and everything I drove down to La Push to see Jacob and I was a little preoccupied with the whole mystery so I wasn't really paying attention to the road, stupid I know, but when I noticed I had almost past Jake's house I hit the brakes a little too hard. That's how I got this cut on my forehead, bumped my head on my steering-wheel."

"That explains that. But what does that have to do with the note?" Angela was curious, she wasn't gossiping, but she was genuinely concerned with what happened to me.

"Well, the note said 'be safe' and I hadn't really listened to that obviously." Then I realized that if I would tell her now about the other note it would show that Edward would have seen me or heard about my accident at least. However, Carlisle used to work at the hospital so he probably knew some of the doctors, maybe he heard that I had been to the ER and told Edward or something, I could convince Angela of that, besides, what else would she believe? I couldn't really stop my story now, so I decided that I would continue but work the whole hospital story in there. "But that wasn't really the point either. Charlie made me go to the emergency room when I got home so we went and they stitched me up. I went straight to bed afterwards. Then I woke up this morning and went through my usual routine, halfway through I noticed another note."

"Again? That is strange. What did this one say?"

"'You didn't listen. What happened?'" I repeated the words I had memorized by now.

"Weird, how did he know about your accident? Or do you think he just assumed you wouldn't listen? No that would be too much of a coincidence. So how would he know?

"Yeah I thought about that and maybe he heard it through Carlisle, he did use to work at the hospital so maybe he was just back to pick up some of his stuff and Edward came with him and then Carlisle might have heard it from the doctor that helped me last night and he could have told Edward. That would also explain why he would be in Forks." That was all I could come up with.

"Hmm." Angela thought about it for a minute. "Yeah that could be. Still it is weird though. So what happens now? Why does he ask you a question this way? And how does he expect you to answer? Why would he expect you to answer after he left the way he did?"

"Yeah I don't know, so that's what I'd been thinking about the entire day." I felt relieved that it was all off of my chest, I was glad I had Angela as a friend, I knew she wouldn't tell anyone.

"I understand. So what are you going to do next?"

"I really don't know, I haven't been able to come up with anything so far. Do you have any ideas?"

"Well, he clearly wants you to answer, otherwise he wouldn't have asked the question right?"

"I guess so. But how does he expect me to answer?"

"Maybe you could leave a note for him too? But do you want to be in touch with him again? After all you have been through?" She had a point there, he didn't care for me and he left me, why would he do this now, if he was going to leave again or never show his face this would only hurt so much more in the end.

"I don't know."

"Alright, then you could leave him a note and ask him if he's coming back or why he is writing you now, I guess." This is why I loved hanging out with Angela, she was so practical and very helpful without ever judging me.

"Yeah, I guess."

Angela realized that I wasn't really in the mood to talk about it anymore so she dropped the subject. She changed the subject and I was grateful.

"So you've been spending a lot of time with Jacob right?" I knew what she was getting at but I didn't mind so much as I had with Billy, Charlie and Jake.

"Yeah, he's a really good friend, he has helped me a lot."

"Alright, I just thought, maybe it was more than just friendship? I don't want to pry, just curious, he sounds like a nice guy really." She looked at me apologetically.

"That's okay Ang, well he's like my best friend and to me it's not really anything more than just friendship, he's more like a brother to me. I just know that he feels more for me than just friendship and it is hurting him that I can't return the feeling, I want to, but I'm not over Edward yet." It was strange how easy it had gotten to mention his name.

"Do you think you might ever feel that way about him? And does he know that you don't feel the same way?" I realized this was exactly what I needed, a conversation without prejudices about Jacob, Angela didn't know Jacob the way Charlie and Billy did, she wasn't going to tell me to suck it up and just try to be in love with him or something, she just wanted what was best for me.

"Well, I'm not sure if I'm ever going to be able to completely get over Edward and Jake deserves more than what I can give him, he deserves someone who loves only him, who isn't as broken as I am. I told him all of this and he says he still rather be just friends than nothing, although I think it would be best for him if we didn't hang out. But I can't live without him either, I'm happy when I'm around him." I had never said any of this out loud, except to Jacob but he didn't listen anyway.

"Alright, I understand that. Well, I guess if he knows and he still rather be friends than not have any contact at all that's his choice."

"But it makes me feel so guilty to be around him, I can see that it is difficult for him to just be my friend and I can see he still hopes that we can be a couple. He doesn't seem to care that I'm no good for him, it's just very confusing. And it doesn't help that both Charlie and Billy, Jake's father, want us to be together as well, they both tell me what a great kid he is and how good we would fit together and that it seems that we are a couple already since we are spending every free minute together basically."

"Well, I'm sure they both just want you and Jacob to be happy."

"Yeah, they mean well I know but it's just not fair, I'm having a hard enough time without all of this already."

"Well, all I can say is that since you've been hanging out with Jacob you seem to be more like Bella than you have done in a long time. You seem to be alive somehow, I don't really know how to explain it."

"He has really helped me, it doesn't hurt to get up anymore and I always look forward to seeing Jake again or going to La Push in general."

"But that already sounds like more than just friendship right?"

"But it's not enough." I was close to crying, I didn't want to hurt Jake and I didn't want to be selfish and claim him in a way that I know would not be good for him. I was already selfish by staying with him.

"I guess all you can do is just wait and see where it all takes you, there is too much going on now anyways right? Does Jacob know about the notes?"

"No, I haven't told anyone besides you actually. I'm not sure it would be good to tell Jake, he is already quite eager to hurt Edward no need to add to his hatred."

"I guess not."

We didn't continue after that, we just spent the rest of the day hanging out, talking about school, what we had been up to and we talked about her and Ben. It felt like we hadn't talked in ages and that really was the case, I had been completely out of touch with everything and everybody. It was nice to spend time with Angela again.

When I got home that evening Charlie was already at home watching TV. He looked up from the screen as soon as I walked into the living room.

"Hi Bells, how was your day?"

"Hi dad, it was very nice." He would probably be very happy to hear I had been hanging out with Angela, he was always worried that I didn't spend enough time with my friends, besides Jacob, but before I could continue he already started talking again.

"Jacob just called, I assumed you would have been with him, weren't you?" He seemed confused and a bit suspicious.

"Uhm… No dad, I spend the afternoon at Angela's, just hanging out, it had been a while since we talked and it was very nice." His mood changed from suspicious to extremely happy. He beamed at me.

"Oh, that's nice! You haven't been spending much time with other friends than Jacob lately so it's a good thing you're doing that again now!" It has to have been a relief for him to see that I was really past the zombie state. "Anyway, Jacob asked if you could call him back when you got home."

"Sure, I will dad, thanks."

It was clear that my dad wanted to continue watching the game so I went to the phone and dialed Jake's number, Billy answered.

"Hi Bella, Jake's not in right now but he told me that he would like you to come down to La Push, preferably bringing Charlie, as soon as you could."

"Is everything okay?"

"He wouldn't say, he had to run off quickly, but he said that it was important that you and Charlie came here as soon as you could. He seemed very worried when Charlie told him you weren't home."

"I was spending the afternoon at a friend's. I'll talk to Charlie, we could come over right after dinner I suppose."

"You can also have dinner here Bella, Jacob wanted you to come over as quickly as you could."

I told Billy that I would talk to Charlie and we would be there as soon as possible. What had happened? Why did Jake want me to come to La Push and bring Charlie? Unless it wasn't safe for us to stay here… After that there was only one thought running through my mind… Victoria! Had she managed to get passed the pack again? Was she on her way to Forks? To my house? I had to get Charlie out of here as soon as I could. But I couldn't let him know that anything was wrong. I first had to calm down a bit, I took a couple of deep breaths and walked back into the living room...

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**A/N: **_Well, that's it for chapter 5 already, like I said, a bit short as well and still more of a filler than anything else but I always liked Angela and thought she deserved a little bigger part in this story ;) I thought she might be helpful to Bella with sorting stuff out 'human style' ;):P I hope you enjoyed the chapter all the same :) I'll post the next chapter either today or tomorrow, but it will be soon. Reviews are always very welcome! :D Xxx_


	6. Chapter 6: Promise

**A/N: **_Here's chapter 6 already, couldn't make you wait too long for it now could I? Enjoy! Thanks again to everyone who has been reading and reviewing my stories, you're the best! :D_

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**Chapter 6: Promise**

"Dad?" He looked up from the screen but didn't say anything, just waited for me to continue, so I did. "Billy invited us over for dinner, I'm a bit tired actually so I don't really feel like cooking."

"Sounds good Bells. Let me just finish watching this game and then we'll go." There was no time for that! If Victoria was on her way we had to leave… _NOW_… I took another breath to calm myself, it helped a little but my voice was still a bit too high when I continued.

"I think Billy mentioned something about dinner being almost ready, so we should really leave now."

Charlie complained a bit about not wanting to miss the end of the game but he got up anyway.

As usual we drove in silence, we had already discussed my day after all, so there was nothing left to talk about really. Or so I thought.

"So…" Charlie started after clearing his throat.

"So?" I was sure I wasn't going to like what was going to follow.

"I was just wondering… How are things with you and Jacob now?" I knew exactly what he meant but chose to ignore the underlying question.

"We're fine dad."

"Are you… uhm… have you… did you…" He didn't finish.

"What is it?" I couldn't entirely hide the chagrin in my voice.

"Well, I guess what I want to ask is, are you still just friends?" I blushed and when I looked over to my dad I saw he was blushing too.

"Yeah, dad, I told you I wasn't interested in him in that way."

"I know, but still…"

"Dad, like I told you before, we're just friends, he's family." I was really annoyed now, why couldn't people just let it go? I was feeling so well after the conversation I had had with Angela this afternoon, but I wasn't about to go over it again with my dad, I have to figure this out on my own.

Luckily Charlie noticed the annoyance in my voice and dropped the subject, even though I was sure he wasn't even close to being done bugging me about it, he was going to bring it up again soon. I was not looking forward to that conversation, I don't want to be angry at Charlie but he should just mind his own business when it comes to this.

We drove in silence the rest of the way. When we arrived at Jake's house Billy came outside to greet us.

"Hi Charlie, Bella, how are you?"

"Hi Billy, I'm good, you? What's for dinner?" Charlie cheered up the moment he saw his old friend.

Before Billy answered Charlie he looked at me. "Jake is still with Sam and the rest, he will be back soon, why don't you go to Emily's place to tell him that dinner is ready and Charlie and I will wait for you kids here?"

I nodded and left for Emily's place. When I got there the guys were all sitting at the table discussing strategies. I had a feeling of déjà vu followed by the same knot in my stomach when I thought about the reason for this meeting. Victoria. I cringed.

"Hi Bells!" Jake greeted me pulling me into a hug. "I was worried about you when Charlie told me you weren't home."

"Hi Jake," I answered after he set me down, "I was over at Angela's, a friend from school, hanging out. What is wrong?"

"I'll tell you about it later, I guess Billy sent you because dinner is ready?"

"Good guess." I really didn't want to wait till after dinner for this conversation, I needed to know what had happened but it would probably take some time for Jacob to explain everything so we would be quite late for dinner if we wouldn't eat first.

"Let's go then." Jacob grabbed my hand and I waved at the rest of the pack and Emily.

"See you tonight, Bella, enjoy your dinner." Sam said. So the conversation was going to be involving the entire pack. Somehow that unsettled me.

"Yeah sure, see you." Was all I could manage. Then we left.

It felt like dinner dragged on for hours, even though both Jake and I had been shoving the food into our mouths like we hadn't had anything to eat in a week, to great displeasure of both Billy and Charlie, who had been looking at us incredilously while shaking their heads. Although I suspect Billy was pretending for Charlie's sake, he knew something was going on and that we were in a hurry to get back to Sam.

"I know we might not be the greatest company for you young people but do you think you can manage to spend one hour with us and eat normally?" Charlie asked with a chagrin on his face.

Neither Jake nor I responded we just kept eating, it was like he hadn't even said anything. Charlie got angry, I had hardly ever seen him angry at me so when he threw his cutlery on the table it startled me and I looked up.

"Good, I have your attention." Charlie all but yelled. "Will someone please explain to me what is going on? I have never seen you behave this impolitely Bella."

I didn't know what to say, luckily Billy helped me out.

"I think the kids are eager to hang out with the rest of the group Charlie." Billy said nonchalantly.

"That's no excuse Billy, they should be able to be away from their friends for long enough to finish their dinner." Charlie was still not pleased but Billy's attitude towards the whole situation made him calm down a little and he started focusing on his food again in defeat.

After that Billy tried to distract Charlie by talking about the game they were going to watch. Every now and then Charlie would look at either Jacob or me, roll his eyes and mumble something like "rude" or "no manners" but other than that he left us alone.

When we were done with our food Billy excused us from the table and told us we could go back to Sam and the rest, that he would do the dishes tonight. I knew they were going to watch the game first so, depending on what time Jake and I got back from Sam, I told myself I would help with the dishes as a thank you for getting Charlie of our backs.

When we were outside, Jake immediately started walking towards Sam's place, it took him a while to notice that I had stopped walking.

"What's wrong Bella?" It was the first thing he had said since we had entered his house.

"I want to know what is going on!" I demanded.

"I'll tell you when we get to Sam's." He started walking again, I didn't move. "C'mon Bells," he said pleadingly, "the sooner we get to Sam, the sooner we can explain."

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"We need to discuss this with Sam and the rest."

"But why?"

"Can't you just not be this stubborn for once?"

I grumbled. "Fine!" I shoved my hands in my pockets and started walking towards Sam and Emily's house.

Jacob started laughing. "Really not stubborn at all." He said while he rolled his eyes at me. I stuck out my tongue but couldn't help but laugh a little as well. I took my hand out of my pocket and Jacob grabbed it quickly.

We didn't talk anymore on the way and it wasn't long before we were at Sam's place. Everyone was already waiting for us in the living room. Jake and I sat down as well and everyone was waiting for Jacob to say something, myself included. But Sam started instead.

"Bella, has Jacob told you what happened yesterday?"

"No, he hasn't told me anything," I looked over at him with a chagrin on my face, "he said he had to wait until we got here before I could know what was going on."

"I'm afraid that's because I told him not to tell you what exactly had happened. Sorry about that, I just wanted to be able to discuss this with you myself." This surprised me, I didn't think Sam asked Jake to keep secrets from me anymore, I felt a little sorry for my behavior earlier. I glanced over to Jacob but he wasn't looking at me, he was staring down at the table, embarrassed.

I didn't respond to Sam, I waited for him to continue, he noticed it and continued.

"As you know that female vampire got a hold of Embry and me a little while back."

I nodded.

"I did not want that to happen ever again so I made sure that we would always be running in larger groups and I told the entire pack to never go after her by themselves, they are to inform me as soon as they pick up on the scent and wait for the entire pack to be there before they start pursuing." His eyes were distant, hard.

I noticed I was digging my nails into Jake's hand, waiting for the impact of what had happened, even if Jacob felt it he didn't show it. Sam followed my gaze and smiled a little but it didn't touch his eyes, he decided the best thing was to continue the story.

"Last night Jared, Embry and myself were running, just routine, and we came across her scent again, it was not as fresh as it had been before but I decided not to take any risks. I told Jared and Embry to wake up the rest, I would start following the smell and they would catch up with me." He wanted to follow the scent alone? What was he thinking? "It wasn't long before I heard 3 other voices, so I knew Jared and Embry had carried out my orders and the other three had also transformed. They knew exactly where I was and they were going to join me very soon. The trail I was following was about an hour old, or so we thought."

The way he finished his last sentence, full of remorse and pain even, made me shiver viciously. Jacob noticed, he put his arms around me and pulled me towards him, I laid my head on his shoulder and he patted my hair trying to sooth me. It worked a little.

"Suddenly, Paul, Quil and Jacob came across a more recent track. I abandoned my path and ran towards them. When I joined them, the whole pack was together and we could start the hunt." I flinched at that word. "The fresh lead turned out to be a dead end. She had us running around in circles. I decided we should pursue the first path again. However, when we got to the place where we had originally picked up the scent, it wasn't any older than three minutes. We were close but she is fast, when we finally found the end of the trail and noticed where we were it was a shock. We were in the woods still, but almost at the end, close, too close, to your house." She had been to my house? I started shaking more violently than I had before. Jake was stroking my hair and rocking me back and forth to try and calm me down. She had been too close. She could have hurt Charlie! I would never forgive myself for that. I couldn't calm down. Sam noticed.

"It's okay Bella, you're okay, we won't let anything happen to you."

She had already come this close, I felt everything slip away, I felt like I was about to faint, I fought it hard. Luckily Sam decided to continue his story.

"Anyway, so we were near your house and we didn't see her anywhere, but we could smell her, she had to be there somewhere. Eventually we found her, she was sitting in a tree near your window, staring at us, waiting for us. She was smiling, taunting us. Jacob and I lunged at her, she dodged our attack and swiftly moved to another tree. Quil and Embry both jumped at her at that time but were also unable to catch her. Jared and Paul managed to drive her back further into the woods, where the rest of us joined them. At one point we had her surrounded and we thought we finally had her. But somehow she managed to get away and she fled. We followed her but at some point she dove back into the water and we couldn't follow anymore. Ever since then we have been picking up traces of her scent but it always started out of the blue and ended just as suddenly. She has been close to your house a couple of times, she is getting closer and we don't seem to be able to catch her, she dodges every move we make."

Jake interrupted fiercely. "We will get her! I promise Bella, you don't need to worry. She seems to start taking more risks, she will mess up eventually and we will get her."

Everyone else seemed to agree with him but I wasn't as confident, she had been at my house, she had been close to me, they couldn't stop her, nobody could. She was coming for me and there was nothing I could do. They were waiting for her to make a mistake. What if she doesn't? What if she gets to me before they get to her? What if Charlie was near? I wasn't scared for me so much, I could die, but Charlie…

Jacob saw the doubt that was spreading across my face, mixed with the fear I felt. Fear for my friends, for my father. I had to end this. I could not put any of them in danger any longer. I had to think of a plan, I would have to go into the woods alone and hope the wolves are not paying attention… Jake interrupted my thoughts.

"Bells? It's going to be fine, trust me!"

"Sure, sure." It was all I could manage. Jacob smiled as he recognized my response but didn't press it any further, he just continued to sooth my hair and comfort me.

I had to think of a plan that would not get anyone besides myself in danger. The woods seemed perfect, I would just walk in and wait for her to find me, she had been in the woods before, she would smell me and be with me very quickly. I knew she was hoping to torture me for a while before she would kill me, but I hoped she would make it quick, she knew the pack would find the scent soon enough so she would have to hurry. I took comfort in that thought. She would avoid the wolves and never return here again. Everyone I loved was safe. It had to be soon though, before the wolves would get close to her again, she could so easily kill them. I would do it tonight, I had made up my mind so why wait any longer? This had to be dealt with so everyone I loved could be safe. I would have to explain it to Charlie though, but how? I couldn't tell him anything about the crazy vampire that was out to get me or anything related to the supernatural, so how was I going to say goodbye to him? I couldn't. I had to… I had to keep him safe. It was the only way. I would just have to walk away and hope Jake would be able to tell him what happened, or a version of the story at least.

I hadn't noticed much of what happened the rest of the evening, nobody tried to get me out of my trance. I was imagining my plan, perfecting it, making sure everyone would be safe after I would be gone. I tried not to think about the pain, how much it would hurt when Victoria would sink her teeth into me, I didn't want to think about what it would be like to die. It couldn't hurt more than what I had been feeling for the last couple of months.

Then my mind flashed back to the note I had found on my floor not too long ago, Edward had told me to be safe but he couldn't really care. Could he? Would he be mad at me if he knew about my plan? Why would he? He wouldn't care if I listened to him or not, he didn't listen to me when I had pleaded with him, told him not to go. He broke his promises more often than I had, it didn't matter what he thought. There was no going back anymore, I could not change my mind, it was too late. I would hurt Charlie so much, and Jake… He would be heartbroken, he would be angry, would he want revenge? I really hoped he wouldn't. But I knew he would if I didn't do anything to stop him. But how could I stop him from going after her without him finding out about my plan? He would try to stop me and if that wouldn't work I'm sure he would always be around or send some other member of the pack to guard me, I would never be able to get away by myself. The last thing I wanted was for the wolves to try and protect me when I tried to protect them.

"Bella?" Jacob interrupted my thought before I could come up with a concrete plan of how I would keep him from getting his revenge.

I looked up confused, it must have been late. It was already pitch black outside and Jacob looked like he was ready to leave. I didn't say anything I just stood up and waited for him to do the same.

"Are you okay Bells?" Jacob asked me.

Was I? I was scared, I was concerned, but I had made up my mind a while ago, I would protect the people I love, at the expense of my own life. I was okay, as long as they were. "I'm fine Jake."

Jacob looked at me for a long time, measuring my expression, trying to find out if I was indeed fine or if I was trying to downplay what I felt, as always. I tried to compose my face as much as I could, I stared right back into his eyes and I didn't blush, I showed no emotion, I felt no emotion for the moment, I was lost in his eyes, I would miss those eyes. Jacob gave a small nod, he had assured himself that I was fine and was ready to leave. Then he got up and took my hand. Jacob waved to the rest of the pack and started walking to the door. I didn't move.

A plan was forming in my mind, Sam was the pack's alpha, anything he would command the pack to do, they would have no choice but to do it. What if somehow I could get Sam to order Jacob to not take revenge on Victoria? It had to be subtle, Sam was very understanding and knowing, he would see through my plan immediately and he would also try to stop me and never do what I asked him if he knew what I was up to.

"Bells?" Jacob interrupted my thoughts again.

"One minute, I want to discuss one more thing with Sam, do you mind getting the car from Billy's?" I tried to look innocent but convincing.

Jacob looked at me confused, like I was crazy, he would find out what our conversation was about soon enough, so why would I try to hide it from him now? I continued to stare at him, trying to will him out of the house with my stare. He seemed to debate with himself again, whether to press the issue further or do as I asked and get the car. He decided to listen, he nodded again, turned on his heels and headed for his house. I was relieved, if Jacob would be able to see my face when I tried to convince Sam he would surely want to know that is going on and I couldn't tell him.

The rest of the pack followed Emily to the kitchen to help her clean up. Although I wondered what good all those huge guys could do in the tiny kitchen, but I was grateful they seemed to have picked up that I needed to talk to Sam alone.

"What's on your mind Bella? You have been absent since I told you what happened. You don't have to worry about us, you know that right?" Sam's voice was superior, confident, serious.

"Sure." I attempted to smile at him but I knew it looked more like a grimace than a smile.

"What do you want to discuss with me Bella?"

"Alright," this was it, "well, I have actually been worrying about you guys, especially Jake. He has such a temper that I'm afraid he will go after Victoria alone if something were to happen. She has gotten close in the past and she will continue to try until she succeeds." I paused building up my argument.

"Until we defeat her you mean?" Sam asked it as a question but I knew he meant it as a statement.

"Yeah, well, I was just wondering if you could do me a favor?" I was running out of time, Jake would be back soon.

"Anything." He was convincing but there was doubt in his eyes, lots of questions, but he wanted me to finish. Sam seemed to understand that I wanted to have this conversation over with before Jacob returned.

"I don't know how exactly it works and everything but I know that when you order the rest of the pack to do, or not do, something, they have to obey." Sam nodded but didn't comment, I was sure he knew what I was getting at but he let me continue. "I was hoping you could order Jacob and the rest of the guys not to go after Victoria, especially not by themselves, if something might happen." There was no time to sugarcoat it, I had to be blunt and hope he thought this was just a hypothetical case.

"Nothing is going to happen Bella. We will protect you."

"I know, just promise me, please!" I pleaded with him.

"Are you planning on doing something stupid?" He was suspicious now.

"No of course not." I lied, my body seemed to know the importance of convincing Sam because I didn't blush, I gave away nothing. "I am just worried about you guys and I don't want you to go through unnecessary trouble and get yourselves in danger if something were to happen. Please Sam, promise me?" I pleaded again, tears swelling up in my eyes.

"I promise. But Bella," he said urgently, "we will protect you. I will tell the guys and they won't do anything but nothing is going to happen to you! We won't let it!"

I hugged Sam and whispered "Thank you" into his ear. At that moment Jacob walked in and it was time for us to go.

We walked to the car in silence, even though Jake was anxious to know what I had discussed with Sam. I didn't look at Jake but I could feel his eyes burning into my back. When we got to the car I finally made myself look Jacob in the eye. I was surprised by what I saw, he looked like the boy before the wolf, it was my Jacob. He looked so young. I was quite sure that was not the way he really looked, since I only saw that side of him when he was smiling or sleeping and he was doing neither at this time. He was just staring at me worried and conflicted. But I did see the boy I used to know, my best friend, my human friend, nothing complicated, just friends. I missed that, now more than ever. I knew this was probably going to be the last time I saw Jacob and I didn't know what to do or say, I couldn't say goodbye to him and I could raise suspicion. Instead I just stared right back at him. We stood there, staring, for a long moment, my eyes were filling up with tears but I tried to suppress them. I couldn't get into my car, I could hardly move, but I forced myself to brake free from the gaze, I struggled to get myself moving and I walked up to Jacob and hugged him as tightly as I could.

"I love you, Jake!" I whispered into his ear, a tear rolled down my face. I tried to wipe it off without him noticing. I failed.

"Are you okay Bella?" Jacob hugged me tighter to him instead of looking at me. It felt nice.

"I'm fine Jake, really, just overwhelmed about the whole story tonight, worried you might hu…" I couldn't finish, I knew he was going to get hurt, I was the one who was going to hurt him by taking myself out of his life, instead I just said, "into trouble."

"How many times have I told you not to worry about me? I can take care of myself! Really! Why don't you trust me?"

"I do trust you, Jake, you know that! That's not it. I just… I know how strong vampires are, I know you are strong as well. I'm just… well… I'm just worried okay? I care for you, as I do for the rest of the pack and I don't want you to get into any trouble because of me. If anything would happen to you guys…" My voice broke and I couldn't continue.

"It's okay Bella." He comforted me, stroking my hair and holding me tightly to his chest.

After a while I broke free of the hug, we had been standing there for a while and it was time for me to go. I got in my car and said goodbye to Jacob, that was all I could say. I started driving towards my house and I could feel the tears building up in my eyes, I didn't want to cry, I had to go home, show my face to Charlie and go upstairs. Then, when the time was right, I would sneak out of the house, and walk into the woods, hoping Victoria would find me before the wolves did. I focused on my goals instead of dwelling on goodbyes and the hurt I would be causing the people I love.

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**A/N: **_So that's it for chapter 6. What did you think? The story won't take that much longer now... Stay tuned for the next chapter (I'm not sure when it will be up but it will be soon... can't keep you guys waiting on the edge of your seats for too long now can I? ;):P)_


	7. Chapter 7: The Woods

**A/N: **_Alright, I'm kind of running out of things to tell you guys so let's just keep it short: Enjoy chapter 7 ;) a short but vital chapter in the story ;)_

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**Chapter 7: The woods**

When I walked into the house Charlie was lying on the coach, sleeping. He looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake him up. I walked into the living room as quietly as I could, I turned off the television, I got a blanket and put it over my dad so he wouldn't be cold. I went upstairs to change, which was silly but I wanted to look nice, I put on one of the skirts Alice had bought me long ago and the blue blouse Edward used to love on me. I know it was mostly about stalling but I felt that I needed to look nice for the last time, I allowed myself to think about Edward freely now, there was no point in holding it back because I was afraid to get hurt. Soon, very soon, non of it would matter so I could think about his beauty and our times together just once more, I could pretend he loved me, cared about me and wanted me, it didn't matter. I thought about the way he used to hold me and kiss me and the way he used to make me blush or how he would make my heart race. Lost in thoughts I wrote a note to Charlie, in my most neat handwriting I wrote down: "I love you". Then put the note on the kitchen table where Charlie would surely be having breakfast in the morning, he would see it there. I wanted to say so much more, like what a wonderful dad he truly was and how much I had enjoyed my time with him here in Forks but I couldn't put any of those feelings into words, telling him I loved him was all I could do, I let one tear fall on the piece of paper, smudging the words a little, it didn't matter as long as my dad knew it was the truth.

I tried to think of nothing but Edward, it kept me calm, but when I walked into the woods, I couldn't help but feel a bit scared, I knew why I was doing this and I knew I was going through with it, but I kept thinking of Jacob and Charlie and the pain I will be putting them through, it wasn't fair. No, I told myself, it is not fair to them not to do this, putting them in danger every single day just because they were close to me like I had been doing for the past couple of months, _that_ wasn't fair. I could not continue doing that. The thought gave me courage as I walked deeper into the forest. I wondered how long it would take Victoria to notice that I am alone. Would she think it was a trick? Would that scare her off? Then everything would have been for nothing and my plan would fail. I didn't want that, I had to make sure everyone was safe.

But what if, even if I died, the people I love would still not be safe? What if she now hold a grudge against the wolves for standing in her way for so long? I knew all too well how good Victoria was at holding grudges, this situation was the perfect proof of that. I had asked Sam not to let anyone go after her after I died, but I couldn't really ask the same of Victoria now could I? Why would she promise me anything? Maybe this wasn't the best plan after all. If I was dead there was no more bait for the wolves to hold over her and she would have the advantage. No! I told myself sternly. The wolves were with too many for Victoria to go after them by herself, and as far as I knew she didn't have any other allies so she would be smart and stay away from the wolves. I had to do this, there was no going back now anyways.

I wished I could have met Victoria in our meadow, that would be a nice place to die, memories of Edward were strong there. But there wasn't time to go there, I would surely get lost and Victoria would catch me off guard and scared. I didn't want to be surprised and scared the last moments of my life, I wanted to be happy. So I focused on the thoughts of Edward in our meadow, how his beautiful skin had sparkled the first time he showed me what he looked like in the sunlight, that peaceful afternoon of what seemed like a lifetime ago.

When I thought I was deep enough into the woods I stopped walking, no need to give myself anymore chances to trip over branches.

It felt like I had been standing in this very spot for hours, although I knew it was only about 5 minutes. But at some point I felt I was not alone. I didn't hear anything and I couldn't see much because it was dark. But I felt someone behind me, a presence, and even though I wanted to see her, I couldn't turn around, not yet.

There was nothing but silence, however I still felt the presence behind me. Some time had passed since the person arrived but neither of us spoke and I hadn't moved, I had been trying to keep images of Edward in my mind harder now than before. What was she waiting for? Did she not know the wolves would come eventually? They would try to take her down if she was still around, she would not be able to get near me as easily as she could now. But instead of attacking she just stood there.

Finally the silence was broken but it was not as I had expected.

"What do you think you are doing Bella?" His voice was clear, more clear than it had been before when I had been in dangerous situations, more beautiful too. I realized I could never quite get his voice perfect in my mind before, his voice was velvet as it used to be, not the same as I had previously imagined it, it was more strained and tired, harder, he was angry and concerned but somehow his voice was still ten times more appealing than I had remembered.

I couldn't answer, although talking to him was all I wanted to do, I couldn't find my voice, I couldn't move.

"Bella?" The sound sent currents through my body, this was perfect, he was here with me for my last moment. The perfect memory.

Still I didn't answer my illusion.

Suddenly I felt a cold hand on my shoulder, it wasn't Victoria, it was gentle, soft and sweet. My hallucinations had never been this tangible before, I liked it. I wanted to see him, although I was afraid that the moment I moved he would be gone.

The hand on my shoulder tried to turn me towards him, to face him, it was so real, my imagination was getting the better of me again. At first I resisted, he didn't use any of his force so it wasn't hard for me, but my mind screamed at me to turn around and face him, to look at his glorious face once more. Eventually I couldn't resist any more.

When I turned around and saw his face I gasped. He was more beautiful than ever in my hallucinations, he was gorgeous, a god, an angel.

The illusion spoke again. "Bella, why are you doing this? And what is it exactly that you're doing? Alice saw your future return, it had been gone for a long time, and she saw you in the woods, not sure where exactly, but she saw you go into the woods alone, she saw Victoria come for you. She killed you Bella! What were you thinking?!" The words came out in a rush, almost too quick for me to hear.

I was confused. Why was my hallucination telling me all of this? Shouldn't it just tell me to run? To not do this? I didn't understand but I could not really care, I was still marveling over his beauty and now I was so close I could feel the coldness of his body and I could smell his scent, it was delicious, so perfect, so real. I wanted to hear him speak again, but he had asked me a question, I guess I could answer him, if I was able to find my voice.

"Uuh… I'm protecting the ones I love." Was all I could give him.

"What?!" He was angry. "What do you mean? How could you protect them by getting yourself killed? Bella are you insane?!" He was almost yelling.

"Uuhm… Well…" Why did I have to explain this to him? I didn't want this. I wanted to hug him, kiss him and wait for Victoria, I didn't want to die and have arguing with Edward be the last thing I did. "It's a long story…" I started, but Edward looked away from me, searching for something in the trees. I followed his gaze to the point where he had come from before. I couldn't see anything at first, but then I was able to make out a form, definitely female. I tensed. Here it was. But then the scene changed, I didn't just see one female, I saw three females and three males, shapes I remembered all too well. Why were they in my hallucinations? I've never seen them there before. Maybe the danger is so big that my mind thought only Edward would not be enough to warn me, I would need all of the Cullens to remind me of what I was doing.

In a flash Alice was at my side, hugging me.

"Bella, I was so worried! You're okay! So we're on time! Thank God!" It was a blur of words and I could hardly make sense of it all but that was okay her hug made me relax immensely.

"Alice, what are you doing here?"

"We came to save you Bella! I thought we were going to be too late… I couldn't see before… Why are you doing this?"

I didn't get the chance to answer the question, suddenly Edward shoved me behind him and there were 7 vampires standing in front of me in a crouch, obviously seeing something I couldn't. It took me a moment to realize what was going on, it was Victoria. I could see her clearly now, looking exactly the same I remembered from the first summer. I shuddered violently. I was waiting for her to launch herself at me, attacking me. But she surprised me, instead of looking vindictive and evil, as I had expected her, maybe smiling even, she looked anxious, scared and surprised. I wondered what was going on, I was alone, there were no wolves, no one other than my hallucinations, who were hissing and growling violently, why would she be scared? She looked at me, only me. It looked like she was debating whether or not to attack.

Then, suddenly, she turned around and started running back through the trees. Within less than a second, she was gone. Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie bolted after her so fast they were only a blur to me. For the first time, Carlisle spoke.

"You have to get her out of here, Edward! Now!" His tone was strict, there was no arguing. "Take her back to our house, we have some things to discuss."

One minute I was standing in the forest, the next I was up on Edward's back and the trees were flying past me too fast for me to really notice them. I held on tight as Edward sprinted to their house.

When we arrived at the Cullen house, Edward pulled me off of his back and put me down on the couch and seated himself across from me. Was this real? What happened? I was extremely confused, and exhausted from the excitement of it all. Was it all just a dream? Or was I dead. That would have been quick. I yawned and my eyes started drooping. I looked at Edward, I knew he wanted to know the story from the look on his face. My expression was apologetic, I knew that I was not going to be able to tell him anything without having some sleep. But now that he was here I didn't want to sleep, I wanted to stay awake, I wanted to hug him, kiss him, I wanted to be close to him and I wanted him to hold me.

Edward had noticed my struggle. "Sleep Bella, we'll talk later."

"I… I don't want to…" Before I could properly finish my sentence my eyes were shut and I fell asleep.

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**A/N: **_That's it for the seventh chapter of this story. What do you think? Please review :) I know it's not very long and I thought about making it a big fight scene but really.. what would Victoria be able to do against the seven Cullens? Since she has a talent for evasion it would go against her nature to attack straight away right? Anyways: Edward's back.. yey! *does happy dance* Next chapter will be up soon :) _


	8. Chapter 8: Explanation

**A/N: **_Here's chapter 8, enjoy and review :) There is a bigger piece from New Moon in this chapter (all in italics) just because I thought it fit and I am sure I couldn't put it better than it has been done in the original book :)_

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**Chapter 8: Explanation**

When I opened my eyes it was bright, it must have been morning already. I tried to sit up straight but my body wasn't having that. I tried to remember what had happened the night before but I couldn't it was all very vague. I rubbed my eyes out and tried to identify the space I was in. It wasn't my own room. I was in a bedroom, of that much I was certain, but I couldn't understand whose it was. I looked around, it was a big room, very bright. What had happened to me? Why did I not recognize the room? Even though I felt like I knew the room very well, I felt oddly comfortable here.

Piece by piece last night started to come back to me, how I ended up not sleeping in my own room. But there was still nothing that explained how I got to this room. I remembered Jake, the story Sam told me, the plan I had of going into the woods… Maybe that was it, I had gone into the woods and I had met Victoria and she had killed me. I was dead. That is probably why I felt so comfortable here, and why it is so bright. I was sure now. I felt bad and relieved, bad because Charlie and Jacob would be so sad, relieved because _finally_ all of it was over, not only the whole hassle with Victoria, but the pain I had been walking around with since Edward left, it was over. Still I felt like something was missing, some part of the evening I couldn't remember but that was important somehow. I thought back to my evening very hard, tracing every step. I had been at Jake's place for dinner… I had been at Sam's place… I had thought of my plan there… I asked Sam to promise me to order Jake not to follow Victoria ever… I said goodbye to Sam… I said a long goodbye to Jacob… I drove home… wrote the note for my dad… went into the woods… I remembered standing there, waiting… Oh!...

"Edward" I gasped. At that moment the door of the room opened and there he was, standing in front of me, divine. He looked at me worried.

"Bella? What is it? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! What happened? Why am I here? Why are you here?" I was confused, I knew I had seen Edward last night and the rest of the Cullens, but I didn't know what had happened. Why were they back now?

"You want me to go away." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. Like I could ever want that!

"No!" I almost yelled at him. He smiled a little.

"Alright, what's wrong?" He asked again.

"I'm not sure what happened to me last night. Am I dead?" I must have sounded stupid. Edward looked at me shocked.

"No, you are not. You were close though, if we would have gotten there a few minutes later, you would have been. How could you Bella?!" He was angry. "What were you thinking?"

"Huh? I don't know…"

"The rest of the family is waiting downstairs for you, we want to hear what happened and why Alice saw you dying… again…"

"Uuuh… okay…" Then I remembered Charlie, and how confused he would be when he would find the note. "Wait…"

"What's the matter?"

"Charlie!"

"Charlie is safe Bella."

"No, not that. I wrote him a note yesterday. What time is it?"

"It's six in the morning. What kind of note?"

"You have to get me home immediately!"

"But Bella… What note? What are you talking about?"

"I'll explain later, I just have to get home before he wakes up and notices I'm not at home. He'll be worried sick about me, especially…" I didn't want to finish my sentence, there was no time! I had to get home as soon as possible. Take away the note, be in my bed when Charlie came into my room to check up on me and wait for him to leave before I could leave again.

Edward could see that it was important for me to get home so he didn't ask any questions anymore, he picked me up off the bed, put me on his back and ran to my house.

We were just in time, I could hear Charlie's alarm going off when I opened the door, I quickly picked up the note and practically ran upstairs and dove into my bed.

Edward was waiting for me in my room, his eyes full of questions. I tried not to look at him, I knew my dad would be in my room before I could finish answering even one of his questions and I would rather not explain my story more than once. He would have to wait until we were back at his place before he would get the answers he wanted. And I would have to do the same, I would have to wait until we were back at his place before I could hear their stories, and more importantly Edward's story. Although I was not sure I wanted to know. He is going to leave again anyway as soon as he has found out what I was doing and told me never to do that again because he didn't want to have to come back to Forks to rescue me for Charlie's sake again. I wasn't ready to let him go again.

It wasn't long before Charlie came to check up on me, Edward hid in my closet and I pretended to be asleep. Charlie bought it and left my room quickly after that.

After a while I heard the front door close and a little later I heard the cruiser drive away. We were alone again. I got up and sat on the edge of my bed, still holding the note I had written for my father in case I would not have come back last night. I stared at the note, I didn't want to look at Edward, afraid of his expression.

Edward came to sit next to me on the bed, he pried my fingers away from the note and started reading the note.

"Why did you write this, Bella?" He was confused and somewhat angry. But there was more, I looked at his face and stared into his eyes, they were more black than I had ever seen them before, he must be really thirsty. I instantly pulled away from him, trying to make it easier for him. It must have been hard to sit so close to me when he obviously hadn't hunted in a very long time.

"I wish you wouldn't pull away." He said.

I couldn't speak, I didn't move but I just stared at him. He waited for me to say something. So we just sat there, staring into each others eyes. I didn't allow myself to feel the feelings that were bubbling up inside of me. I wanted to feel happy, I wanted to hope and mostly I wanted _him_. I resisted, I had to focus.

"Why?" I asked. It was all I could come up with.

"Why I wish you wouldn't pull away? Don't you see? I have been without you too long, I don't want any space between us anymore Bella!"

His words sounded sincere enough but they didn't make sense. He didn't love me. What was he talking about?

"I'm confused. You're thirsty."

"It's not so bad. Bella, I can handle the thirst. What I can't handle is being away from you! It hurts me physically to be away from you, even the slightest bit." He stared into my eyes, emotions all across his face, emotions I didn't understand were there. He looked like he was in pain but he said it wasn't from the thirst.

Edward stood up from the bed and sat on his knees in front of me, holding my hands in his as he continued to gaze into my eyes, pleading with his look.

"You must hate me for what I did, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do."

"I don't hate you." I murmured. But he ignored me.

"But what were you thinking Bella? You could have died! Alice saw you dead. Not the first time I might add. Which reminds me… Cliff diving, Bella, really?" He sounded incredulous and disapproving. "What were you thinking?! Alice told me what happened after I had called you. It was a good thing you picked up, who knows what I would have done if you hadn't!" He dropped his head and let out a sigh.

"What do you mean?"

"I thought you were dead, Bella, if I hadn't heard your voice when I called, I would have probably still thought you were dead. I wouldn't be able to live with myself then!"

"Why?" Again he ignored me.

"But you were really trying to kill yourself last night. You went into the woods to meet Victoria! How could you? Think of Charlie!"

"I was." I said. I didn't want to have this conversation now, I was going to have to deal with all of that when we got to the Cullens house again as well.

"What do you mean?" Now he didn't ignore me, he looked at me, both furious and curiously.

"I was trying to protect Charlie, if Victoria killed me she would have no reason to stay here anymore, everyone would be safe!" I explained.

For a moment Edward did not seem to be able to say anything. He just looked at me confused.

"I couldn't survive if you had died." He confused me. Why not? Would he feel guilty then? He does know that it wasn't his fault right?

_"So what if I was dead?"_

_He stared at me dubiously for a long moment before answering. "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"_

_"I remember everything that you told me." Including the words that had negated all the rest._

_He brushed the tip of his cool finger against my lower lip. "Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension." He closed his eyes, shaking his head back and forth with half a smile on his beautiful face. It wasn't a happy smile. "I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist."_

_"I am…" My head swam as I looked for the appropriate word. "Confused." That worked. I couldn't make sense of what he was saying._

_He stared deep into my eyes with his sincere, earnest gaze. "I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be."_

_I froze, my muscles locking down as if for impact. The fault line in my chest rippled; the pain of it took my breath away._

_He shook my shoulder, trying to loosen my rigid pose. "Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." He winced. "That was… excruciating."_

_I waited, still frozen._

_"When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye---"_

_I didn't allow myself to remember. I fought to keep myself in the present second only._

_"You weren't going to let go," he whispered. "I could see that. I didn't want to do it---it felt like it would kill me to do it---but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought I'd moved on, so would you."_

_"A clean break," I whispered through unmoving lips._

_"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next to impossible---that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry---sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry._

_"But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?"_

_I didn't answer. I was too shocked to form a rational response._

_"I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly believed that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept---as if there were any way that I could exist without needing you!"_

_I was still frozen. His words were incomprehensible, because they were impossible._

_He shook my shoulders again, not hard, but enough that my teeth rattled a little._

_" Bella," he sighed. "Really, what were you thinking! I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."_

_I shook my head._

_"You don't believe me, do you?" he whispered, his face paler than his usual pale. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"_

_"It never made sense for you to love me," I explained, my voice breaking twice. "I always knew that."_

_"I'll prove it to you," he promised._

_He caught my face securely between his iron hands, ignoring my struggles when I tried to turn my head away._

_"Please don't," I whispered._

_He stopped, his lips just half an inch from mine._

_"Why not?" he demanded. His breath blew into my face, making my head whirl._

_"When you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."_

_He pulled back an inch, to stare at my face._

_"Last night, when I touched you, you were so… hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be… quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please---just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" he whispered._

_"What kind of an idiotic question is that?"_

_"Just answer it. Please."_

_I stared at him darkly for a long moment. "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you---and there's nothing you can do about it!"_

_"That's all I needed to hear."_

_His mouth was on min then, and I couldn't fight him. Not because he was so many thousand times stronger than me, but because my will crumbled into dust the second our lips met. This kiss was not quite as careful as others I remembered, which suited me just fine. If I was going to rip myself up further, I might as well get as much in trade as possible._

_So I kissed him back, my heart pounding out a jagged, disjointed rhythm while my breathing turned to panting and my fingers moved greedily to his face. I could feel his marble body against every line of mine, and I was so glad he hadn't listened to me---there was no pain in the world that would have justified missing this. His hands memorized my face, the same way mine were tracing his, and, in the brief seconds when his lips were free, he whispered my name._

_When I was starting to get dizzy, he pulled away, only to lay his ear against my heart._

_I lay there, dazed, waiting for my gasping to slow and quiet._

_"By the way," he said in a casual tone. "I'm not leaving you."_

_I didn't say anything, and he seemed to hear skepticism in my silence._

_He lifted his face to lock my gaze in his. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," he added more seriously. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you---keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only you could be more important than what I wanted…what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay---thank heaven for that! It seems you can't be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."_

He stared into my eyes, I wasn't sure what expression was on my face right now, I felt too many things. I wasn't sure if he meant it, he looked like he meant it. Before I could respond, he continued.

"I can't stay away from you anymore Bella, I haven't been able to stay away since I heard your voice on the phone. I knew I would come back, I was already living here again for a while, although I had no idea what was going on. When Alice called me to explain what had happened after I called you, the cliff jumping for fun, I was relieved to know that you weren't trying to kill yourself. And that was when I realized that I couldn't live without you, the plans started forming in my head, just like they had the first summer when you went off to meet James by yourself, I knew I would go to Italy, I would provoke the Volturi and I would die, that was the only way. I knew I needed you and I couldn't stay away any longer, I wanted to see you, hear your voice, be with you and more than anything I wanted to hold you and kiss you. I was so worried about the reckless activities you seemed to have taken up that I needed to let you know you promised me to be safe. I decided to leave a note, pretending it was the same note I wrote you before so you wouldn't figure out that I had actually wrote it again for you. But you figured it out, as always," he smiled. "The next night I went into your room to check up on you and I saw that cut in your head or at least the gauze covering up what seemed like a big cut. You never told me what had happened?" This time he stopped talking, waiting for me to answer.

"I hit the brakes a little to hard and bumped my head into my steering wheel, no big deal."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, Bella," he sighed. Then he continued his story. "I was shocked when I saw it and I couldn't pretend to not care anymore, I decided to leave you a note again. You never answered and when you didn't I understood that you were mad at me and never wanted anything to do with me again. I accepted that, but I couldn't stay away regardless, so I stuck around, only seeing you when you were asleep." The expression on his face told me that he would be blushing now if he had been able to.

"However, when Alice called last night my world turned upside down once again. She told me what she had seen, she saw you in the forest, she didn't know where exactly because you hadn't made up your mind about that yet, she first saw our meadow but that changed quickly. Then she saw Victoria, she killed you Bella! Alice told me I had to hurry, she told me she and the rest of the family were on their way but they would probably not make it there in time, they were running as fast as they could but I was closer so I would have to find you first. I was so scared I was going to be too late, I thought I would find you there, dead. My world shattered, I couldn't deal with that, I started running towards the forest, hoping you would make up your mind soon so that Alice could tell me where you were and I would be able to protect you. The only problem was, you didn't even know where you were and you didn't seem to take in your surroundings very well. It was only at the moment Victoria realized you were alone in the woods without any protection that she made up her mind to come to you, this showed Alice where to find you and she called me. She couldn't tell if we were going to be on time though it was going to be close, too close, it was one of the most awful moments of my existence. Will you please explain to me why you were out there in the woods on your own?" The anguish in his eyes was clear, he really had been worried about me.

"To protect the ones I love, I told you that. I think it's best if I tell my story when your family is there too, so that they get the complete story as well and I don't have to explain myself twice."

First, Edward seemed to deliberate for a moment, I tried to compose my expression in such a way that he would see my determination and not ask any further. Edward let out a sigh and put one hand on either side of my face, his eyes were not examining my expression anymore they were just smoldering, he moved his face closer to mine slowly until his lips softly touched mine, it started out sweet and soft but soon there was a whole new passion with which our lips moved, exploring each other once again, it wasn't long before I forgot everything, I couldn't for the life of me even remember my own name. But I knew his. He let me break free to breathe and I whispered "Oh Edward."

"I love you Bella," he replied sincerely.

"Me too," I mumbled.

He kissed me once more and then, before I knew it, I was on his back and we were running towards his house.

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**A/N: **_That was it again for this chapter :) a bit of Edward-Bella alone time :) Let me know what you guys think! In the meantime I'll work on correcting and perfecting the next chapter and upload it soon :) _


	9. Chapter 9: Vote

**A/N: **_This will probably be my last update for today but here is chapter nine :) Again there is a part of New Moon in here (in italics), it just seemed appropriate :) Enjoy and review! :)_

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**Chapter 9: Vote**

When we arrived at the Cullen house everyone was already in the living room. Emmett and Jasper were busy playing a video game, Esme, Alice and Rosalie seemed to be discussing some sort of architectural plan and Carlisle was reading a book. However, when we entered the house, Edward walked straight towards the dining room and sat on a chair at the table. The rest of the family followed. I was the last one to take a seat and they seemed to have saved a chair for me at the head of the table. I was the center of attention. Great. Seven pairs of eyes on me, waiting for me to tell my story. I cleared my throat.

"As you all know, the last couple of months have not been easy on me. I have done some things that I am not particularly proud of. Edward made it clear to me that he made you all leave and my feelings for you have never changed. I was sad and hurt when you left. I consider all of you my family." I looked around the table, all the faces of the people I loved, I felt like I was home again, after being away for a long time. Esme smiled at me lovingly, in fact everyone was smiling at me, they welcomed me back. Even Rosalie seemed to be glad to see me. When I looked at Emmett he winked at me and gave me a huge grin that made him look like a big child to me, my big brother, I couldn't help but smile back. Then I continued my story. "And he also told me that you all left because he wanted me to have a chance at a normal life, he wanted me to be safe. It is important that all of you," I looked over to Edward meaningfully, "know that I don't blame anything of what happened and what I went through on you! You have been nothing but welcoming to me from the beginning and I have always considered you my family and I still do!" I smiled. "However, since you all left I have not been very safe. I am not even talking about the cliff jumping and the motorcycle…" I looked at Edward and he looked shocked, angry even. Had I not told them about the motorcycle? I was almost sure I told Alice, maybe she hadn't told Edward, or maybe I hadn't said anything. Everyone seemed to disapprove, though nobody spoke. So I continued. "I went into the forest one time, to the meadow Edward used to take me to, that had been a huge mistake. When I finally found the meadow, I wasn't alone, Laurent was there and he wanted to attack me." I heard several hisses coming from all the vampires at the table. "He had staid in touch with Victoria and he came to look for me as a favor to her, to see if I was still protected. However, he had no intention of reporting back to Victoria and letting her kill me, he was thirsty and wanted to quench his thirst... with me." The room was completely quiet, nobody moved, they all looked at me tensely. "I was lucky that Jacob and his pack were there, they saved me, they killed Laurent.

"However, Victoria never stopped coming after me. She had a lot of trouble getting through the pack. The wolves chased after her a few times and every time she seemed to be able to escape. She was able to get her hands on some of the wolves once. She seemed to have a special gift for evasion, she got away every single time, I thought it might be a talent like mind reading," I looked at Edward briefly, "or seeing the future," I said to Alice, "or influencing feelings," I finished while I looked over to Jasper.

Edward looked at Carlisle. "Is that possible?"

"I have never heard of a power like that before, but I don't see why it wouldn't be possible. We definitely have to look into that." He looked lost in thought for a moment but then his attention turned to me and he nodded, willing me to continue.

"Right, last night I was with Jacob at Sam's place and he told me about the night before. Victoria had been able to get past the wolves and managed to reach my house." I shuddered at the thought. Edward put his arm on my shoulder and pulled me towards him, comforting me. I instantly felt better. He let me sit up straight again and held my hand. He was tracing the contours of my hand with his thumb, soothing me. "That is when I realized that I had to put a stop to all of this. As long as Victoria was here, the pack would try to take her down and she could so easily kill some of them. I didn't want that to happen. And the fact that she had been so close to my house, means that she had been close to Charlie, what if next time she would be thirsty and he would be too close…?" My voice broke and I tried to push back a sob, I only managed to control half of it.

"I figured that as long as I was in Forks, she would be a danger to people I loved. As long as I was alive she would keep coming after me. So I had to put a stop to all of this. Even if that meant ending my own life. It wasn't easy to form a plan that would make sure that I would be alone and Victoria would be able to catch me without interference from the wolves. And I knew that Jacob would go after Victoria in revenge if she would have been able to get to me before they did. So first I made Sam promise to order Jacob not to go after Victoria if something were to happen to me. Luckily he didn't ask too many questions, he promised me when he noticed it was important to me. That was one part of my plan taken care of. Then I went into the woods to find Victoria, so she could kill me, evade the wolves and everyone would be safe. She would have no more reason to be near Forks." All seven vampires were shocked, some of them gasped, others just stared at me in horror.

"Bella, how could you? Think of Charlie! He would have been heartbroken!" Esme told me, it sounded like she was sobbing.

The others seemed to agree with her, they looked at me in anger. All but Jasper and Emmett.

"It was a well thought out plan, Bella…" Jasper started, Alice glared at him and Edward let out a growl. Jasper looked ashamed. "I was just saying that it was tactical, it would have worked, I think, but obviously it wasn't smart for you to do this Bella, nobody would want you to go get yourself killed to save them." He finished off weakly. "And I doubt that it would have stopped the pack from going after her or us for that matter, we would have found her and made sure she would never be able to hurt anyone again," he finished determinedly.

"I didn't know that you still cared for me like that at the time. You left," I replied weakly.

They all flinched at the reminder.

Emmett didn't say anything, he looked at me shocked, but it wasn't the same as the rest of the Cullens, he seemed more impressed. When he noticed I was staring at him, confused, along with the rest of his family, he had to say something. "I'm very impressed, that took a lot of courage. At least my little sis is no coward!" He laughed a little and I smiled at him, thankful that he tried to lighten the mood.

Everyone seemed to be over the shock of what had happened more or less and the mood changed, we were talking about the darkest period of my life, they asked me how I felt and told me what they had been up to.

After a while I asked Jasper and Emmett what had happened with Victoria, I knew she wouldn't have been dealt with so easily, I wanted to know if they had been able to find her or not.

Jasper was the first one to answer me. "She really does seem to have a talent for evasion, we chased after her but she is fast. We followed her all the way to the border of the treaty, we wanted to cross but Carlisle caught up with us before we could."

"It would have been no good for us to break the treaty now, we will have to work together with the wolves in order to be able to catch her," Carlisle interupted Jasper, who just nodded his head at his father.

"We would have been able to destroy her!" Emmett growled, "This could all have been over with and then maybe we could have had a nice challenge with the wolves," he grinned eagerly, ready for some action.

I glared at Emmett, had he not heard how well the wolves had helped me through everything when they weren't there?! I was angry, a first for Edward's favorite brother. "Emmett!" I yelled appalled.

He seemed to notice what he had done wrong immediately so he gave me the best innocent look he could manage, "sorry Bella, I didn't mean it like that, I've just been... well... you know... some action would be nice for a change," he said a little ashamed.

"We will not fight the wolves, nor will we break the treaty in any way!" Carlisle said sternly, and with that it was final. I shot him a thankful look and he smiled at me.

"Fine, as long as I can have Victoria!" He grinned at the prospect of the fight he would have with her. I rolled my eyes at him and he smiled even wider at that. Emmett really was shameless!

Edward surprised me when he spoke in a hard and final voice: "Victoria is mine!"

Emmett looked at him for a second, measuring how serious Edward was, he must have been very shocked by what he saw because he didn't argue, he just nodded his head and sighed in defeat.

"Anyway," Jasper continued, "like I said, I think you were right about the whole talent thing, she knew all too well where we would have been unable to follow her. We were so close," he said disappointed.

"It's okay, Jazz, ít's not your fault, we will catch her next time. I'll see her coming and then we can all wait for her and finish this once and for all." Alice placed her hand lovingly in Jasper's and he seemed to relax immediately, you would almost think she would have his talent.

I was relieved that they had not been able to get to Victoria, I knew how dangerous she was now and they could get hurt. I didn't like the prospect of the Cullens putting themselves at risk, again, because of me, for a second the thought of my previous plan popped into my head again.

"Don't even think about it!" Alice gave me a look that was so scary I knew I could never try that plan again. I nodded and smiled innocently at her.

Then Edward decided we needed to be alone, he told everyone we were leaving, took my hand and led me outside. We walked towards his Volvo.

"I couldn't share you any longer. I have missed you so much Bella. Eternity is worth nothing without you. Let's go to our meadow."

There was nothing in the world I would rather do.

We spent the entire afternoon in the meadow, never once did we let go of each other. Mostly we would lay in silence, only every once in a while Edward would ask me a question about what I had done and he had told me what he had been up to. I was appalled when he told me he had been trying to track Victoria, what was he thinking?

It was a perfect afternoon. When it was twilight we walked back to his Volvo, ready to go back to the house. Edward kissed me once again, he wasn't as careful as he used to be anymore, but it still wasn't enough, it was never enough, and he pulled away too soon again.

"I have missed you so much Bella. I will never leave you anymore. I will always be by your side. We will go to college together after graduation and…"

"What? What do you mean college?" I was shocked. Was he serious? Did he not just say that he would not leave me anymore? How could he think that I could leave him then? That I would leave him? Sure that would be in 70 or so years, if I was lucky at least, seeing as how I didn't seem to be able to get away from dangerous situations, but I would die eventually and that would mean I would have to leave him. There was just no way that was going to happen.

"You do plan on going to college right? It's part of growing older."

I was furious, he wanted me to stay human?! "_Growing older_?! What are you talking about?" I demanded.

"I told you I'm not going to leave you, Bella."

"But you want me to grow old?"

"That's the way it's supposed to be."

"I have lived without you for the last couple of months and it has been hell for me, and if I have to believe even half of what you have told me about your feelings when we were apart, how can you expect me to leave you eventually? I will die Edward!"

"Like you were supposed to. You're human Bella, that's the way life should be, the reason I left is because I wanted you to have a human life..."

I interupted him. "And we all know how well that has worked out for me," I snapped at him.

He sighed and bowed his head at my harsh reminder of the difficult months. "I'm not taking away your life for you Bella. I'm going to stay with you until you die and then I plan on following quickly after." He stared at me intently and I had to look away.

We were at his Volvo by now. I was hoping we would be at his place soon so we could discuss this properly.

"I want to talk to your family again." I almost hissed at him.

"Why?" Edward was confused.

"I will not stay human, it's too dangerous. It's not just about you Edward!" I told him sternly.

Edward didn't answer, he was gripping his steering wheel and his eyes turned hard in an instance. We didn't speak anymore on the way to his house. Then we were at the house.

_Edward called out the names with no more volume than I'd use in regular conversation. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" They would hear. _

_Carlisle was suddenly standing beside me, as if he'd been there all along. "Welcome back, Bella." He smiled. "What can we do for you?" _

"_I'd like to talk to everyone at once again, if that's okay. About something important."_

_I couldn't help glancing up at Edward's face as I spoke. His expression was critical, but resigned. When I looked back to Carlisle, he was looking at Edward, too. _

"_Of course," Carlisle said. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"_

_Carlisle led the way through the bright living room, around the corner to the dining room. _

_As soon as I turned to sit in the chair, I saw that we were not alone. Esme had followed Edward, and behind her the rest of the family filed in. _

_Carlisle sat down on my right, and Edward on my left. Everyone else took their seats in silence. Alice was grinning at me, already in on the plot. Emmett and Jasper looked curious. _

_Carlisle nodded toward me. "The floor is yours."_

_I swallowed. Their gazing eyes made me nervous. Edward took my hand under the table. I peeked at him, but he was watching the others, his face suddenly fierce. _

"Well, it seems that I am never really safe anywhere, there is always something after me or us. As long as I stay human, this will never change. This way, I also keep putting you all in danger every time. I can't do that, I won't." I said pleadingly.

"_But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you." _

_Esme opened her mouth to speak, but I held up one finger to stop her._

"_Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote."_

_There was the faint rumble of a growl in Edward's chest. I ignored him. _

"_I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."_

_I half-smiled on the last word. I looked at Edward; it would be better to get his opinion out of the way. "Do you want me to join your family?"_

_His eyes were hard and black as flint. "Not that way. You're staying human."_

_I nodded once, keeping my face businesslike, and then moved on._

"_Alice?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Jasper?"_

"_Yes," he said, voice grave. I was a little surprised---I hadn't been at all sure of his vote---but I suppressed my reaction and moved on. _

"_Rosalie?"_

_She hesitated, biting down on her full, perfect bottom lip. "No."_

_I kept my face blank and turned my head slightly to move on, but she held up both her hands, palms forward. _

"_Let me explain," she pleaded. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."_

_I nodded slowly, and then turned to Emmett._

"_Hell, yes!" He grinned. _

"_Esme?"_

"_Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family."_

"_Thank you, Esme," I murmured as I turned toward Carlisle. _

_I was suddenly nervous, wishing I had asked for his vote first. I was sure that this was the vote that mattered most, the vote that counted more than any majority. _

_Carlisle wasn't looking at me. _

"_Edward," he said. _

"_No," Edward growled. His jaw was strained tight, his lips curled back from his teeth. _

"_It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."_

_Edward dropped my hand, shoving away from the table. He stalked out of the room, snarling under his breath._

"_I guess you know my vote." Carlisle sighed. _

_I was still staring after Edward. "Thanks," I mumbled._

_An earsplitting crash echoed from the other room. _

_I flinched, and spoke quickly. "That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too." My voice was jagged with emotion by the end. _

_Esme was at my side in a flash, her cold arms around me. _

"_Dearest Bella," she breathed. _

_I hugged her back. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rosalie looking down at the table, and I realized that my words could be construed in two ways. _

"_Well, Alice," I said when Esme released me. "Where do you want to do this?"_

_Alice stared at me, her eyes widening with terror. _

"_No! No! NO!" Edward roared, charging back into the room. He was in my face before I had time to blink, bending over me, his expression twisted in rage. "Are you insane?" he shouted. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"_

_I cringed away, my hands over my ears. _

"_Um, Bella," Alice interjected in an anxious voice. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need to prepare…"_

"_You can do it," I encouraged. "I trust you."_

_Edward snarled in fury. _

_Alice shook her head quickly, looking panicked. _

"_Carlisle?" I turned to look at him. _

_Edward grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. His other hand was out, palm toward Carlisle. _

_Carlisle ignored that. "I'm able to do it," he answered my question. I wished I could see his expression. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."_

"_Sounds good." I hoped he could understand; it was hard to talk clearly the way Edward held my jaw._

"_Hold on," Edward said between his teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."_

"_There's no reason for it not to be now," I said, the words coming out distorted. _

"_I can think of a few."_

"_Of course you can," I said sourly. "Now let go of me." _

_He freed my face, and folded his arms across his chest. "In about two hours, Charlie will be looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."_

"_All three of them." But I frowned. _

_This was always the hardest part. Charlie, Renée. Now Jacob, too. The people I would lose, the people I would hurt. I wished there was some way that I could be the only one to suffer, but I knew that was impossible. _

_At the same time, I was hurting them more by staying human. Putting Charlie in constant danger through my proximity. Putting Jake in worse danger still by drawing his enemies across the land he felt bound to protect. And Renée---I couldn't even risk a visit to see my own mother for fear of bringing my deadly problems along with me!_

_I was a danger magnet; I'd accepted that bout myself. _

_Accepting this, I knew I needed to be able to take care of myself and protect the ones I loved, even if that meant that I couldn't be with them. I needed to be strong. _

"_In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," Edward said, still talking through his gritted teeth, but looking at Carlisle now, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."_

"_That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle pointed out. _

_It was just a little more time; graduation wasn't so far away…_

_I pursed my lips. "I'll consider it." _

_Edward relaxed. His jaw unclenched. _

_I looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?"_

"_You have my word."_

After this, Edward and I went back to my house, Edward must have been scared that Carlisle would make me any more promises.

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**A/N: **_That's it for chapter nine, hope you liked it. I could not let Bella stay human obviously :P Like I said before, I also like Jake so why would I deny him Renesmee? ;) Let me know what you guys think about this chapter and I'll upload the next one soon! :)_


	10. Chapter 10: Charlie

**A/N: **_Just two more chapters and then the story comes to an end again. Sad right? I know ;) but don't worry I'll start writing a new one again soon ;) and I will keep myself, and hopefully you as well, entertained with some silly one shots ;) Anyways: yey the Cullens are all here to stay, Bella will become a vamp after graduation and all is great again... sort of :P But now Bella will have to face Charlie... Enjoy and review! ;)_

_To _Love-it-away_: I figured the best way to answer you would be by how you always answer your reviewers :P I could never get bored of your reviews ;) Like you say: reviews make me happy ;) so keep telling me what you think :)_

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Chapter 10: Charlie

Charlie wasn't home, as usual, so we had the house to ourselves, which was exactly what I wanted. We spent the entire evening laying on my bed, cuddling, making up for lost times. It was perfect. When we had gotten to the house Edward was still extremely tense, but the further the evening progressed, the more relaxed he became. It felt like he had never left, apart from one thing, the way he kissed me. He kissed me with so much intensity and passion every time that I almost fainted. But every time he pulled away too quickly, several times I tried to hold him closer to me, using all my force to try and make him continue. But he was stronger than I was, so I never got my way. Whenever he would see my disappointed pout he would smile and kiss my cheek, my nose or my forehead.

However, the last kiss I was determined to keep kissing him, whether he wanted to or not. So I lifted my head from his chest and brought my face to his. He was cautioning me with his eyes, I could see he was as eager as I was to kiss so I ignored his warning and kissed him. Meanwhile, I pulled myself on top of him, he was not going to get away this time. I locked my fingers in his hair and I tried to pull him close to me, locking him to my body forever, with as much force I could manage. I noticed that he started to pull away, but I wasn't having that, not this time! I didn't move, I just continued pulling his hair, forcing his face to mine. I looked at him, trying to will him to continue with my gaze. To my surprise he was looking at me, an expression in his eyes I didn't recognize. At that point I was on my back, and he was on top of me, although I didn't feel any of the weight, he was kissing me more intensely, his hands were stroking my hair one minute, the next he had pulled my legs around him and he hands were on my back, holding me even closer than before. I opened my eyes again to look at him and this time he looked like he was in pain, he jumped off of me and sat in the rocking chair in the corner of my room.

"Sorry," I murmured.

"You still don't understand that my control isn't perfect do you? When you kiss my like that… It's hard to focus Bella. It's so easy to feel human, but I'm not! Never forget that. It's dangerous when we kiss like that, if I lose control for only one second, I could hurt you." He didn't look angry, he was smiling, but I could see that he was struggling to keep me from seeing the pain that was there.

"You won't hurt me." I mumbled. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to be ashamed and feel guilty or not.

My face must have given my thoughts away because Edward started to laugh and he was on the bed next to me again. He was holding me. Then he looked into my eyes, his eyes serious. "Will you behave this time?"

"Yes," I said. Although I wasn't sure if that was something I could promise, he wasn't the only one who lost control when we kissed…

Then he kissed me again, it was very sweet and loving, not the same passion as before but so much more emotions that neither of us were able to put into words. All our love was in that one kiss. It was perfect.

We had been laying on the bed for a long time and I had forgotten all about the world around me. But then I heard the front door open and close. I looked at Edward in panic.

"It's just Charlie." He assured me, misinterpreting my panic.

"I know, that's what I was afraid off. What would he do when he sees you here again?" Pictures of Charlie chasing Edward, or at least trying to chase Edward, out of the door while grabbing his gun and opening fire started to raced through my mind, I was scared, not because he would actually be able to hurt Edward with his bullets, maybe with his thoughts but that wasn't why I was scared, I was scared because Charlie could get hurt in the meantime or that he would start questioning his and my sanity when he saw Edward either race out of the house at vampire speed or deflect a bullet like it was a fly.

"Do you want me to leave then?"

I deliberated that for a moment, I needed to tell Charlie that they were back, then Edward could come back.

"Why don't you leave for a second, so that I can explain to Charlie that you are back and that you called me to tell me you were coming over and then you can ring the doorbell and come in. Does that sound okay?" I didn't like the idea of having to lie to Charlie, but I didn't see any other way. I couldn't possibly tell him that I had gone out to look for a vindictive vampire that wanted my blood and that Edward had come back to protect me, could I?

"Sounds perfect, don't take too long though, I can't stand being away from you for long."

Then he kissed me one more time, he laughed when I tried to prolong the kiss and then let me go to jump out of my window.

"Bella?" Charlie called.

I walked downstairs. "I'm here, dad."

"Oh, hi Bells. You look flushed… Are you okay?" Why did he have to notice?

"Yeah, I'm fine dad. Listen, I have to tell you something." I started.

"What is it kid?"

"Well, Edward called, he's back in Forks and he's coming over later."

Charlie looked angry. "Why did he come back? Why now? Just when you were doing better! I want you to stay away from him, do you hear me?" He almost yelled. I had rarely seen Charlie angry and his response surprised me. "Are they all back then?"

"Yeah, they didn't like Los Angeles as much as they had expected, they all thought of Forks as their home so Carlisle switched back to his old job and they're here to stay." I almost laughed at the idea that they told everyone they would be going to LA, the most sunny place in the US basically. Then I had a thought, why would they tell people they would go there even though they never could go out during the day? Was it so I wouldn't know where to look and thus not try? That would make sense. I would have to ask Edward about that.

"Well, I still want you to stay away from him. He's not good for you."

"Dad, you can't tell me who to date."

"_Date_?! He left you Bella! Besides, I thought you and Jacob…" He noticed the expression on my face and he didn't finish his sentence.

"He had a good reason for leaving, it wasn't his fault! And Jacob and I have never been a couple. Now dad, Edward is coming here in a few minutes, could you please promise me you'll behave?"

He didn't answer, he just grumbled and muttered curse words that I didn't want to hear.

"Please?" I pleaded.

"Fine. Just know that he is not welcome in this house."

"You can't forbid him to come in!" I was appalled

"It's my house, I can do what ever the hell I want. And that boy is not entering _my_ house Bella! I will not have it!" It was final.

"Then I'll just go over to his place, you can't forbid me to see him you know."

Charlie didn't have an answer for that. He knew I was right. I'm sure he wanted to ground me but he probably guessed that wouldn't have stopped me anyways and it would only make things very uncomfortable between us.

The doorbell rang. I sprinted to the door, only just beating Charlie there but he was standing right behind me when I opened the door.

"Good evening," Edward said, polite as ever, even though I knew he had heard every word Charlie had said and probably more from his thoughts.

"Hi Edward." I smiled apologetically at him.

"You're not welcome here." Charlie stated.

"Dad!" I gave him an angry glare.

"He should know. After all he did to you! I can't allow him into my house again!" Then he returned to the living room, never giving Edward a second glance.

Edward seemed to flinch, although from the look on his face it wasn't from what Charlie had said. Edward was in pain, more pain than I had ever seen on his face was showing and I wanted to comfort him and at the same time I wanted to yell at my dad for what he did to Edward.

"What is it?" I asked while I placed my hand on his cheek.

"Nothing, you're dad has some clear memories."

"What did you see?" I was worried.

"He was just thinking about the time after I had just left. He was thinking about how _lifeless_ you were." His voice broke. "What have I done?" he mumbled more to himself than to me.

"Oh…" was all I could say. I had been lifeless without him, a zombie, but I didn't want him to know that. Especially not now that I saw how much pain that gave him. I wanted him to be happy.

"Let's go to your house." I offered.

Edward just nodded.

"Dad, I'm going to Edwards house, there is some food in the freezer for you. See you tonight."

"Be back at ten!" was all he said.

When we got to Edward's house I remembered that I hadn't eaten anything yet and I was hungry. At that moment my stomach started to rumble, as if to show that I was indeed hungry. Edward noticed and he smiled.

"Hungry?" He asked.

"Just a little."

"Let me make you some dinner."

Edward made me some spaghetti and it was delicious. I sat at the dining room table to eat it, all the while Edward was sitting across from me, staring at me but not saying anything. At one point I couldn't take it any more, I wanted to know what he was thinking and why he was staring at me like that.

"What is it? What are you thinking of?"

"I'm just… I just… I cannot believe how stupid I was for leaving you like this. I hurt you more than you let me believe and I am terribly sorry. I wish you would tell me how I can make it up to you?" The pain was back in his eyes.

"I'm not hurt anymore," _At least not that much_ I thought to myself. "All you can do is never leave me again."

"I promise, I'm not going anywhere, never again!"

"Good, then I'm happy."

He smiled at me, but it still wasn't a true smile, there was too much hurt in his eyes still. I walked over to him and sat in his lap, I placed my hands on either side of his head and forced him to look at me.

"I love you Edward, I can't forgive you for what you did because there is nothing to forgive." Edward huffed. "There truly isn't, you left because you thought it was the best thing for _me_, you thought _I_ could be happy and you wanted _me_ to be safe. I can't forgive you for that, how could I? Everything you did was to protect me and because you love me." I stared at him, hoping to make the pain in his eyes to go away.

"You're much too good for me Bella, I'm glad you just don't realize it yourself." Another half-smile crossed his face. "But your dad has every right to be angry with me, I deserve far worse than what he thinks. And I'm sure that the memories he showed me earlier," he flinched, "were not even half of what I had done to you. The flashes that he did show me were enough to know that I can't leave you ever again. But I will never stop trying to make up for leaving you, it was the biggest mistake I ever made in my existence and I'm truly sorry that I hurt you the way I did." Agony was clear in his eyes.

"I can think of something to make it up to me," I smiled tentatively at him.

"I'll do anything," he told me but otherwise didn't move. Was he really not understanding what I meant?

I decided to show him, but not here, I wanted to have some idea of privacy in this house, for as far as that was possible with all the vampire senses around here. So I took his hand and he let me lead him to his room, I laid down on his bed and pulled him down next to me. We spent the rest of the evening kissing and holding each other and I was perfectly happy. k

I decided to try and stay on my dad's good side and around nine thirty I asked Edward to drive me home.

Even though I wanted to keep Edward as far away from my dad as possible, he insisted on walking me to my door like a true gentleman. Charlie beat us to the door and was already standing right there waiting for us, all the while glaring at Edward. I looked at Edward pleadingly, hoping he would just leave, no need to make it harder for him. But he had a strange look on his face, calculating something. Probably listening to Charlie's thoughts.

"Good evening sir," Edward said to my dad.

My dad just continued to glare at him.

"Bella," Edward looked at me, "would you please go inside and let me talk to your dad?"

This worried me but I decided to give him what he asked.

"Sure, see you soon," I told him, I'm sure he understood.

I walked over to him and gave him a quick peck on the lips.

"I won't be long," was his reply, "sweet dreams." He smiled at me.

I walked inside and shut the door behind me, I knew Edward would tell me what that all was about soon enough, he had sent me inside for a reason and I just had to trust him. I'm sure he didn't want me to attack my dad for saying something inconsiderate to Edward. He needed to try and sort it out with my dad. So I went upstairs.

Not long after I heard the front door close and I knew it wouldn't be too long before Edward would be here. I decided to take a shower and get ready for bed, so that Charlie would be satisfied. Around ten thirty Edward was in my room and I was waiting for his explanation.

Edward saw my expression and smiled. "I wanted to make things a little better with your dad so I told him that I had left because I thought I was no good for you and you could do so much better than me. Of course he asked me why I had to come back and why now. I told him the public story, that my mom had not taken well to living in LA and that she demanded that we go back to Forks and because we moved back I wanted to see you, I told him I had been in no better state than you for the past couple of months and that you wanted me back just as badly as I wanted you so that there was no point in me staying away anymore." He let me take it all in and then continued. "He told me he was still mad at me, he could see that I care dearly for you but the way I treated you was beyond bad and he couldn't just stand by to see you get hurt like that again. I replied by saying I would never be strong enough to leave again. He obviously wasn't convinced but saw that my intentions were good and decided to cut me some slack. He's still furious but I'm aloud inside the house during visiting hours." He smiled tentatively, "So I guess I'm breaking a rule right now." I beamed at him. "But from Charlie's thoughts I could see that it wasn't just me he was angry at, he was also mad at himself, for not being able to prevent you from getting hurt the same way he got hurt when Renee had left him and took you with her. Your dad loves you dearly Bella, be patient with him."

I was glad he had tried to smooth things over a bit with Charlie. "Thank you," I told him, "I appreciate what you did. And I will be patient with my dad, as long as he is being reasonable, I'm not a little girl anymore."

"But you'll always be _his_ little girl Bella."

I smiled. I was feeling exhausted, Edward noticed my eyes drooping and started singing my lullaby, it wasn't long before I was asleep and more peaceful than I had been in a very long time.

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**A/N: **_Okay that's it for the tenth chapter, hope you enjoyed it :) again more of a filler chapter than anything else but just like with Angela, I like Charlie and this really shows how much he loves Bella so I thought that would be nice :) The next chapter is already the last one, time flies when you're having fun :P And I'm really having fun with writing and uploading this story and reading your reviews :) you are all so sweet :) So thanks! And keep reviewing! :)_


	11. Chapter 11: Jake

**A/N: **_Well, here it is, the very last chapter of Messages. The Cullens are back, Edward and Bella are together and they have already dealt with Charlie, there is only one more loose end to tie... Jake... Want to know what happens? You'll find out this last chapter :) _

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**Chapter 11: Jake**

The next morning I walked downstairs and my dad was sitting in the living room, reading the newspaper.

"Hi Bells," he called when he noticed I was up.

"Good morning," I said cheerfully.

"I forgot to tell you last night but Jacob called while you were over at Edward's and he told me to ask you if you could call him as soon as you got home, he sounded a bit worried so you'd better call him soon."

"Sure dad, thanks."

Edward had gone home to change and I knew I had some explaining to do, Jacob would wonder why I had asked Sam to make sure Jacob wouldn't go after Victoria. And I would have to tell him that the Cullens were back. I didn't particularly look forward to this conversation. I knew how much Jacob hated the Cullens now, especially after all they had put me through and for bringing Victoria here, to me.

I deliberated for a while about what I should do. Wait till later today to call so that my dad would be out? Although I was sure that Charlie would then be asking me questions about why I hadn't called Jake yet and what was wrong. Or call him now and risk Charlie overhearing too much or having to be too careful so that the message wouldn't be clear for Jacob? Although I doubted the latter would be the case, it was still a tricky situation. I had one shot at this with Jake and I didn't want to screw it up because Charlie was too close. I needed him as my friend and I was pretty sure he needed me too.

However, even without the whole vampire-werewolf-nonsense it would be a tricky situation, I knew all too well that Jacob wasn't just interested in being my friend, I knew he was in love with me and that there was no way he could ever just be friends and gracefully let me be with my boyfriend while still being my best friend. Why did everything have to be so difficult? Couldn't anything in my life come easy anymore?

After a long discussion with myself I decided I could call Jake, being very careful around Charlie but still clear towards my best friend. So I picked up the phone and dialed his number. It didn't even take one ring for Jake to pick up.

"Bella?" He asked, sounding very worried.

"Hi Jake, yeah, it's me," I told him.

"Thank God! Where have you been?! Why did you ask Sam to order me to not do anything? What were you thinking? What was your plan? Going after Victoria by yourself? Did you think that would make any difference? If you would be gone and she would leave, didn't you think we would go after her, the whole pack, anyway?" And with that he had easily guessed my brilliantly thought out plan. He was screaming more questions at me, his voice a mix between worried, angry, hurt and relieved.

When he had finally calmed down he asked me quietly what had happened that night.

I told him the entire story in as much detail as I was capable of with Charlie so close.

"Charlie's there huh?" He noticed I was leaving things out. He knew me too well.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Alright, so if I understand correctly, you went out to look for Victoria, she found you but right before she could… hurt you," he struggled with the words, "your bloodsuckers stepped in and saved the day?"

"Yeah that's about right," I replied.

"Does that mean they're back?" he asked bluntly. It sounded like he was bracing himself for what I was about to tell him.

"Yeah, they're back." I thought I heard Charlie grumble angrily in the living room but I couldn't be sure, I wasn't really paying attention to him.

"Is _he_ back too?"

There was no point in avoiding, "yeah, he's with them," I sighed in defeat.

"And you forgave him, just like that?" He was angry again.

"There was really nothing to forgive…" I started to say.

"Oh, save it Bella! How could you say that?! After all he put you through! You should have seen yourself! When Sam found you, you were a mess! And the entire time you were with me while I was working on our bikes… My God Bella! You were empty… How could you just take him back like that?!" he was shouting angrily at me.

"It was all a misunderstanding," I told him weakly.

"What was there to misunderstand?! He didn't want you around so he left! He hurt you Bella and you just forgave him like that!"

I was starting to get angry at him, I knew it wasn't fair, he cared for me, but he didn't even give me the chance to explain… "You listen to me Jacob Black," I started to shout at him, I imagined him flinching at my harsh tone, I instantly felt sorry so I lowered my voice a bit and continued "he left because he thought he was protecting me, he thought I would be better off, happier, without him. He was wrong, so he came back." With that I had said what I wanted to say to Jacob.

"You know this means that we can't protect you outside of La Push anymore right?"

"You could still come over right?" I asked, even though I knew the answer very well.

"No." His voice was hard.

"Jake…" I half-cried.

"Save it," he told me angrily.

"Jake, I don't want to lose you, you're my best friend!"

"It doesn't work like that… Sorry Bells."

"Don't do this Jake. You promised." I was really crying now.

"I'm not doing anything Bella, you can't have it both ways, it's obvious you chose him, so we can't be friends anymore. I'm sorry." When he said that he sounded hurt and he was my Jacob again, I wanted to comfort him, but I knew there was nothing I could do.

"Me too," I sighed in defeat.

"We will need to meet with _them_ to get information on this Victoria, I assume she escaped again?"

"Yeah," I replied.

"Great," he grumbled, "they couldn't even do their job right." He was more mumbling to himself than talking to me so I let it go. "When can we meet them?" I could almost hear him shiver at the very thought of being in the same space as the Cullens.

"I'm not sure, I'll ask them and I'll let you know okay?"

"Fine," he sighed.

"Jake…" I tried to start again, but he cut me off.

"Save it Bella, it happened, nothing we can do now, it's just the way it is."

"But…" I began but cut myself off, what was I going to say?

"I know. Don't worry about it. Bye Bella," he told me telling me the conversation was over.

"I love you, Jake," I said weakly. I felt like I had just lost everything. I had lost my best friend, the guy who had been my sunshine for so long.

"Me too," was his only reply before he hung up on me.

I felt terrible as I hung up the phone and ran upstairs, not bothering to say anything to Charlie. He seemed to understand that I needed some time alone and let me go.

I reached my room right before I went to pieces. How could this have happened? And what was I thinking? Of course Jake wouldn't still be my best friend, he hated Edward's gut and the rest of the Cullens' guts for that matter. But still, why couldn't he even hang out with me anymore? I knew the answer immediately, it hurt him too much. How could I have been so selfish? I knew he felt the way he did, I knew it would have been best to stay away from him. But it would hurt me too much, I couldn't just let him go. I was a terrible person. This realization brought on a whole new round of tears.

I didn't know how long I had been laying on my bed crying but I heard a knock on my window. It startled me. The first though that rushed through my head: Victoria! Then I realized something. Why on Earth would Victoria _knock on my window?_ Especially in the middle of the day. I remembered that I had forgotten to open the damn thing so that Edward could come in and it must be him outside. Edward must have known I was upset, must have heard me cry, because he figured I wouldn't want to have to go downstairs and face Charlie before seeing him. So I got up from my bed and walked over to the window to open it. I saw his beautiful smile outside my window and for a second I forgot everything around me. I opened my window and let him in.

When he looked at me his expression changed, he looked worried.

"What's wrong love?"

And with that simple sentence a whole new round of crying began as I realized what I had lost today. Edward scooped me up off the ground and walked to my bed. He draped me across his chest and started stroking my hair. It calmed me slightly and when I was relaxed enough to talk I started to explain to him what had happened with Jacob. Throughout the entire story, Edward's face turned hard.

"That stupid mutt! How dare he hurt you like that!" he mumbled.

"It's not his fault! It's mine, I shouldn't have..." I broke down again.

"It's okay love, it's not your fault, it'll be fine, he'll forgive you eventually. You're his best friend too." His voice was soft and sweet, comforting.

"Thank you." I told him.

After a while I realized something again.

"Jacob and the pack want to talk to you and your family about the situation with Victoria, they want to know exactly what happened in the woods."

"We'll arrange it tomorrow love. Don't worry about anything right now, just try to sleep."

I hugged myself closer to him and I felt him kiss my hair and trace his fingers along my jaw. I pushed myself up and reached up to his face. He noticed what I wanted to do and bowed his head down so he could put his lips on mine. This kiss wasn't as urgent as before, it was sweet, loving. As always, he broke away too soon, I began to pout but before I knew it his lips were back to mine, he was chuckling and mumbled "I wasn't sure if you could breathe like that" into my mouth. I shivered as I tasted his sweet breath, it was perfect.

Finally, he let go of me and told me "you should rest love, you still look exhausted, I'll be here.". I knew he was right, I could feel my eyes closing bit by bit and I kissed him one more time before snuggling into his shoulder, arm across his chest, ready to fall asleep.

"I love you," I murmured.

"As I love you, love, more than you can imagine," he replied while kissing my hair again as he continued to trace his fingers along my cheek. I smiled contently.

He noticed I slowly began to calm down and he started to hum my lullaby. I felt myself drifting deeper into sleep, but before I was fully out of it I had one last thought. This was where I belonged, the rest would work out eventually, for now, I had everything I truly needed. I was happy.

* * *

**A/N: **_That was it folks, the last chapter, end of the story. The way I imagined it was that I wanted to end this story right around the same end as New Moon, since then Eclipse and Breaking Dawn could still happen :) I know this doesn't leave things very nice for Jake and I do like the boy but as I mentioned, if Eclipse and Breaking Dawn still happen we all can take comfort in the fact that he will get Renesmee in the end, he will imprint on her and be happier than he could have been with anyone else, don't you agree? ;) As always: I'd be happy to hear what you think! :) _

_I'm actually a bit sad to see this story end, it's my first big story and I had so much fun writing it and reading your reactions to it. So thanks__ to all of you who have stuck with me throughout this story! Your reviews have been truly amazing, all so sweet, they made me very happy, so thanks! :) _

_The only thing left now is for me to tell you guys what's up next for me. I'm going to start working on a new long story by tomorrow I think, it will be a different kind of story than this one, but I hope you'll still find it amusing :) I'm really looking forward to writing it and since the idea is still forming in my head I can't really tell you when it'll come out or what it will be about exactly. So when I have more on that story I'll put an author's note to my profile or this story to let you guys know ;) Furthermore, I'll be writing One Shots to add to "I've Had the Time of My Life" as requested :) And I'll probably be writing meaningless fluffy and completely random One Shots (like the ones I've written so far ("I've had the time of my life", "When Bella met Emmett" and "A New Year's To Remember")) just because I really enjoy writing those ;) So you can all expect plenty of updates from me soon enough :) _

Once again: Thank you all and I hope to see you in my other stories :)

Xxx  
Thari


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